The Dating Game
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Bella is turning thiry and desperate to marry. She meets a socially awkward Edward but doesn't know if she is that desperate. All Human.
1. Chapter 1 thru 3

**Twilight Characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer**

Yes, I am single. Those words have haunted me for almost five years now. Why does single equate to bargain bin at Wal-mart? I'm a sophisticated woman, well maybe not sophisticated, but I'm educated. I have a degree in Anthropology…yeah, that was stupid, but the slip of paper is worth thousands in tuition.

I work for an insurance company. I'm the freaking fax queen. If you need anything just send Bella a fax. She'll fix everything if you just fax her. I'm constantly faxed and it isn't nearly as fun as it sounds. I made my way to the fax machine to pick up my morning communications when I ran into Rosalie. She was single too, but she had been married twice so she wasn't considered a freak of nature.

"Bella, are you single?" she asked.

God, I wanted to smite her fake tits and cause them to drop to her bellybutton. Instead I just smiled and nodded.

"The guy I'm seeing has a cousin here for a visit. Would you mind coming to dinner with us?"

"When?" I asked, since I needed to go on a crash diet, get my unibrow waxed, and find a bra that can actually make me look like I need a bra.

"This weekend," she said, and in fact rolled her eyes as if she knew what I was thinking and it wouldn't be nearly enough time. I'd show her.

"Great, this weekend is actually free for me," I said, as if it differed from any other weekend. The fax machine spit out another piece of paper and I gritted my teeth and pulled it from the holder and walked away.

What happened to going green and using email? If I ever did get a proposal I'm sure it would come by fax. Yeah, I'd reply with a yes. God, I hated being desperate. Where were all the good men who complained they wanted a good woman? Oh, yeah, they are hanging out at the college campuses finding girls without aversions to letting them stick things in their mouths.

Well, on the bright side I had a date. I had to double with a gorgeous blonde when I was just a plain old brunette, but it would be a free dinner none the less. Oh please let the guy pay.

As the day wore on I became more and more excited about actually having a date. I began looking up makeup tips online and then shopping for the perfect outfit. I knew I couldn't compete with Rose and her ever present cleavage, but I could play up my long legs and great butt. I did have a great butt, unfortunately you can't meet someone butt first. I had three days to figure something out and believe me it would take every single second.

For the first time since I worked for the Newton Insurance company I got behind on my faxes. I knew it was dangerous to put so much stock in a blind date, especially with someone who didn't even live in Seattle. I blame the Disney Princesses. They taught us at a young age the perfect guy was out there and would ride in on his trusty stead to whisk us away to happily ever after, even if we were an ogre.

I just hope my prince is okay with a great butt and a flat chest. Sigh.

I left work and headed right to the mall. I set up an appointment to have my hair and makeup done and began the hideous task of finding the right clothes. I tried my best to look away from the large mirrors as I stripped down. Nobody needs to see themselves in surround sound.

I tried on jeans with nice shirts, then I tried them with jackets, then I tried them with blouses. I gave up on jeans. I decided on a dress. Short enough to show off my long legs and with a little cap sleeve sweater to add bulk to my chest. God, I looked like Hannah Montana.

I left the mall without a purchase and vowed to hit a different mall the next night. Three days wasn't nearly enough time and damn it, Rose knew that. I arrived home and opened the refrigerator. I needed spoiled food, just enough to empty my body of every content but not enough to hospitalize me. Dating was such a dangerous proposition.

I grabbed some cottage cheese and ran a bath. I ate as I soaked and tried to imagine the stranger I was going to meet. We would tell our children we had been set up on a blind date and it was love at first sight. Our eyes locked across the room and we felt a magnetic pull toward each other. We knew instantly we were meant to be together.

I pictured him as a man in a business suit, tall with dark features who commanded respect with his mere presence. I would take hold of his arm and he would pull out my chair as all the women in the room looked on. I tried to see what I was wearing in my fantasy, but a heavy coat kept me concealed from myself. Even my psyche hates me.

The next day I was making my morning trek to the fax machine when Alice Brandon called out to me. I turned to wait for her tiny legs to catch up. She was single, but living with a guy so it technically didn't count.

"I heard you are doubling with Rose," she giggled. Alice wasn't a mean spirited person so I didn't know if her laughter was about me or Rose.

"Oh yeah, that's right," I responded, acting like it slipped my mind when it was firmly branded to my forehead.

"Is the guy hot?" she asked.

I wanted to smack her for asking such a stupid question. In my mind he was smoking hot, but in reality he would be a nerd, because he needed a blind date…most likely actually blind.

"He's a cousin to her boyfriend. I have no idea if he is hot or not," I admitted.

Finally Alice said something worth saying. "Have you seen Rosalie's boyfriend? If his cousin is remotely similar you are one lucky woman."

My parents were both only children so I didn't have cousins. It was most likely a good thing since they wouldn't want to look like me. It would be an entire family of flat women with great butts.

"Do your cousins look like you?" I asked her because I wasn't sure just how often family resemblances carried on.

"Hell no, they're ugly," Alice said and I sighed.

"I have no idea what to wear, any suggestions?" I asked knowing how great Alice's sense of style was. She was a bit over the top for me, layering scarves and necklaces, but she always looked stylish.

She took a step back and looked me up and down, making me feel naked in my grey suit. "This is just a suggestion," she offered. I felt the need to listen to her suggestion since she had a guy in her bed every night and I didn't. "I would flat iron your hair to get rid of the bushiness."

"I have an appointment to have it done for me," I told her and she appeared relieved.

"You have great skin so I would wear something dark blue to show it off."

Great skin, what in the hell does that mean. You look ass ugly in clothing but your skin sticks to your body appropriately so focus attention on that?

"Wear your Jimmy Choo shoes," she continued on. "You have great legs."

"So you think I should wear a dress?" I asked her.

She looked around a bit and then leaned in closer to talk quietly. "You know Rose is going to wear something to show you up. Don't let her do it."

"She has huge boobs," I complained, since it was not even feasible to compete with that.

"So emphasize your small hips. Make her feel huge," Alice instructed. Luckily these girls were my friends, can you imagine if we hated each other…the female world was a dog eat dog existence. I wondered if men were so harsh on their own gender.

I spent the day searching online for any store that had a dark blue dress that would show off my hips and long legs. My faxes piled up on the machine as I fought the hard battle of fashion shopping. I finally found the perfect solution, a dark blue, long sleeved, short dress, with draping from the shoulders criss-crossing at the chest and tucking tightly at the hips.

I actually clocked out of work early for the first time in years so I could find the dress. I didn't bother trying it on, it wouldn't work without the shoes and hair and makeup. I took it home and tried it on without looking in the mirror, I just needed to see if it would zip. I felt so much better once the dress was decided on.

The next day I worked hard just to keep my mind off of the impending date. Rose came into my office and stood with her hands on her hip. "Are you still on for tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" I asked in feigned ignorance. I could have said, "You mean in fourteen hours and twenty-three minutes?"

"Yeah, dinner with Edward?" she clarified.

"Is Edward my date or yours?" I asked, thinking the name Edward didn't hold much promise.

"Yours, I'm dating Emmett." Thank God, Edward didn't seem so bad after hearing he could have been named Emmett.

"Can you give me the run down on him?" I asked, and realized it sounded like I had my pick of men and wanted to make sure he met my standard. In reality he would be my one and only date of this entire year.

"He's from Chicago, kind of shy, too skinny, and I think he is into music," she said and then walked from the room to allow me to sort it all out.

Oh God, she made him sound like Gilligan. I was suddenly pissed I spent so much on a dress. I was going to look like Ginger on the arm of a bumbling doofus. Okay, I was giving myself way too much credit, but still. I really hope dinner is good, since I have been starving myself for days now.

I had a tough time sleeping on Friday night and felt exhausted by Saturday morning. I cleaned my apartment, changed my sheets….just in case, and then headed to the mall for my makeover. A young girl who looked fifteen smiled and said, "You look tired."

Wait until she went dateless for a year and stared thirty in the face…see how chipper she looked then! I smiled and said, "Yeah, I didn't sleep very well last night."

"I have the perfect thing," she announced and I sure hoped she didn't pull out something that needed batteries and had a cute animal name. She left the room and came back with some cucumbers, luckily already sliced. I held them to my eyes as she worked on my hair.

She took a long time highlighting my hair and cutting long layers before straightening it. I didn't look in the mirror and actually got some good sleep as she worked. Next she applied my makeup and I had to constantly remind her to be subtle. I couldn't afford to meet a shy guy with black liner around my eyes.

When she finished she turned me around to the mirror and my mouth fell open. I touched my silky hair and watched my thirtieth birthday slide further down the horizon. The girl was a genius and I tipped her generously, but actually wanted to adopt her.

I rushed home to shave my legs and arm pits….just in case, and put on my dress and heels. I stood in front of a full length mirror I rarely used and opened my eyes. A smile formed on my face and I suddenly needed to pick better panties, because my just in case was looking more hopeful.

My chest didn't look nonexistent in the draping and my butt was accentuated nicely. If only I could answer the door with my butt showing first. I applied some lip gloss and stood in the middle of my living room staring at the clock. Right on time there was a knock at the door and my breath hitched. I counted to twenty, going really quickly through the last five numbers and then reached for the door handle.

This was it, the moment of truth. If he was spectacular, he would be disappointed. If he was Gilligan, I would be disappointed. Every dream I had, the wedding, house with the picket fence, our children, rested in the anticipation of this one moment.

It was like getting a shot as a child, you cried before the doctor inserted the needle all because you just knew it was going to hurt. Or when you watched a scary movie and huddled down in the theater seat because you knew something was going to jump out. Dating was the equivalent of immunizations and horror.

I turned the knob and pulled open the door.

2

My heart was pounding like a kettle drum, my palms were sweating like an Olympic marathon, and my hopes were higher than a kite as I looked up at the three people standing at my door. Rose walked in first, wearing a dress with the top half unbuttoned to show two humongous jugs bulging in the tight material. Her hair was curled and teased like an eighties porn star.

"You look nice," she offered.

Nice, it was not a nice word to use for a woman who spent three solid days trying to get ready. Nice was like calling me…there. I wanted a, wow, or a gorgeous, not a nice.

"This is Emmett," she said and a huge guy, looking exactly like the kind of guy who would worship Rose and find me nice, walked into the room. He smiled and held out his hand showing off some really cute dimples and a strong grip.

"Hi Bella," he said and I felt instantly at ease. "This is my cousin, Edward."

Oh God, here it is. I turned and looked up at a tall, handsome man, who wasn't too skinny at all. He just wasn't a gym rat like Emmett. He had messy hair and stood with his hands in his pockets as he gave me a polite nod. His eyes never really met mine and he seemed terribly nervous.

"It is nice to meet you, Edward," I offered in an attempt to make him look at me.

"Yeah," he mumbled and then looked at his shoes.

Yeah? Was he agreeing it was nice to meet him or what? I looked at Rose and she only shrugged so I got my coat and we all headed out of my apartment together. Edward always remained about a step behind me; at least he would notice my greatest asset.

We walked up to a Jeep Commander and I wondered how I would get in without flashing the entire parking garage. I thought Edward would help me, but he walked around to his side and got in. I tried to mimic Rose and practically jumped into the seat. It was a good thing I had on decent panties, but now I was pissed. What kind of jerk just goes to his side and gets in?

We drove in silence for a bit and I finally turned to look at my date. He was staring out the window as if he found something fascinating about the darkness. "Edward," I called softly and he turned his head but didn't look at me. "Is this your first trip to Seattle?" I asked and refrained from adding, you freak, at the end of my question.

"Um…no," he said softly. "I've been here often."

"Edward works for a recording studio, he runs the sound equipment," Emmett said and I didn't know what that had to do with visiting Seattle, but I nodded as if it made total sense.

"The recording equipment," Edward clarified and then went back to looking out his window.

What the crap was his problem. If he found me repulsive he could at least talk about all his women back home to give me the hint, but this silent shit was driving me insane.

We arrived at the restaurant and I handed Edward my coat to check but he just stood there holding it, so I checked it myself. We were seated by the window and looked out at the busy street. I was trying to give Rose a look. Girls know what different looks mean, and I was giving her the…you are going to get it, look.

"Emmett and I are going to Cancun," Rose said to end the awkward silence, "In February, to escape the cold, wet weather."

"That sounds fun," I added with a smile but Edward just continued looking out the window.

When the waiter arrived I ordered a jack and coke, because it was going to take a lot of liquor to get through this night. Rose got wine and Emmett got a beer. We all looked at Edward and he finally looked directly at me. His eyes were a striking grey color that looked expressive without him making any expression at all. He just simply looked at me and said, "I'll take a shot of vodka."

Was I so bad that he needed a shot of vodka? I had to look away and try to steady my nerves and rebuild my self esteem. I wasn't the weirdo here, he was. I gave myself a quick pep talk, reminding myself of my great butt and then excused myself to go to the ladies room. Rose quickly jumped up to join me.

"What is wrong with him?" I demanded as soon as we entered the restroom.

"He's shy," she tried to explain but I shook my head adamantly.

"That is not shy, that is rude as hell, and asking to be ball slapped."

"I swear Bella; the guy is terribly shy and not used to social situations. You are so easy going that I thought you would be the perfect date for him."

Did she just call me easy? Was she expecting me to be so desperate that I would drag this social experiment home and pop his cherry? "Would you and Emmett help out more with the conversation, this is excruciating."

"Yeah, sure," she promised and then reached out and ran her hand through my hair. "God, you look great, such a waste on someone like Edward."

Holy mother of…..it would have been nice if she told me information like that before hand. I stomped from the room without even checking my makeup. It didn't matter; Edward was more interested in the sidewalk than me.

I returned to the table and took a deep breath. "So, Eddie, tell me about yourself," I said sarcastically.

His head snapped around and he said, "Edward, not Eddie."

"Are you sure, Eddie," I added to irritate him, "Because it seems to be the only way to get you to talk."

Emmett grabbed Rose by the arm and asked her to dance. I wanted to murder them both. I took a sip of my drink and watched Edward down his in one gulp. Maybe if he got drunk he would loosen up a bit.

He kept his body facing forward and turned just his head to glance at me. He was so handsome and my heart sped up, making my brain scream horrible cuss words at my heart. "I apologize, Miss Swan," he said and I let a little laugh escape. Miss Swan? This wasn't the 1800's.

"For what?" I asked, not really interested but needing to keep the conversation moving.

"I was raised on an island off of Brazil; my social skills are very limited."

Oh you poor baby, raised on an island, how you must have suffered. Did he think I looked stupid or something? He could be raised by wolves and have better manners than he possessed.

"Being raised on an island sounds exotic," I added and he looked at me again.

Tick, tick, tick, went the clock as we both sat silently. I sighed and said, "I like this song."

He suddenly stood and said, "Would you like to dance?"

This seemed oddly out of character, but I wasn't going to complain. I rose from my seat and headed to the dance floor. I turned to face Edward and raised both of my hands to place on his shoulders. He gave me a confused expression and then reached out to take one of my hands in his. We danced like old people at a senior citizens ball.

When the song ended he dropped my hand as if it was on fire and returned to our table ahead of me. I was done being proper and polite. I was ready to have some fun and it might as well be at his expense.

I stood next to my chair and looked at him sitting. "You should walk behind me, I have a great butt," I said with a big smile.

"Yes, I know," he said and turned to look out the window again.

Well, hells bells, the boy had a libido after all. I was typically a very respectful woman, but this was so bizarre I left all decorum behind. "Do you want to touch it?" I asked and waited for him to have a seizure or something.

"Not right now," he replied as if I was totally serious.

Now I just felt like a perv, an awkward, desperate perv. I sat down and waited for Rose and Emmett to join us. We all ordered and Edward got another shot of vodka. Man I hope he's a chatty drunk.

Emmett found his voice and began talking nonstop about his job as a personal trainer. Rose and I would comment on things going on at the office but Edward remained quiet the entire night. I was waiting for the bill to arrive so the nightmare would end when Edward stood to leave.

"Did we get the bill?" I asked and looked at everyone.

"I took care of it," Edward said and then headed past me. I followed him to the lobby and walked over to get my coat. It was then I saw him though the reflection of the metal looking at my butt. I smiled and held my coat in my arms instead of putting it on.

We walked to the vehicle and I got in and then draped my coat over my cold legs. It was silent again until we pulled in front of my building. "Bella," Rose said and I could tell by her tone she was going to say something she knew I would hate. "Would you mind if Edward spent some time with you? Emmett and I haven't been alone all week."

Did she seriously just ask me to invite him in? Like for hours? I tried desperately to think of any excuse possible, and even considered going to church in the morning to keep from entertaining this freak. But nothing sounded plausible. I smiled at the emotional equivalent of an infant and said, "Would you like to come up?"

"I guess," he replied.

You guess? Did he not get the fact he was like talking to a wall and nobody would want to ask him up if there was any way to get out of it. I climbed from the jeep and walked into my building without even looking back, if he followed fine, if not no big deal.

When I stepped into the elevator he entered behind me and hit the button to my floor. At least he had enough sense to realize which floor I lived on. I waited as we both stared up at the numbers of the passing floors. When the bell sounded we both took a step toward the doors. He seemed as anxious as I was. Surely he didn't realize I wanted away from him.

I unlocked my door and headed right to my bedroom. "Have a seat, I'm going to change," I yelled over my shoulder. I wasted good money on a great dress for nothing. I hung it up and threw on some sweatpants and a tank top before heading back into the living room.

Edward was sitting on my couch with his shoes off. Oh God, this was a nightmare. I sat in a chair across from him and when my eyes met his he looked away.

"Do you date much?" I asked.

"A little," he answered and I shook my head as I took a deep breath.

"Look, I'm stuck with you for a couple of more hours, can we have a real conversation, you know, tell me stuff about you and I'll tell you stuff about me?"

"What kind a music do you like?" he asked and I wanted to shout hallelujah.

"I like just about anything, but I listen to a lot of retro stuff. Old rock bands, the Beatles, stuff like that. What about you?"

"Yeah, I look at the technical side of music, so I listen to just about anything, too" he explained.

"Do you play any instruments?" I asked.

"The guitar and piano, you?"

I laughed and ran my fingers through my wasted silky hair. "I played the clarinet in the school band in fifth and sixth grade."

"Why did you stop?" he asked and seemed bothered that I had quit.

"I wanted dates," I laughed and he gave me a quizzical expression. "It isn't cool to be in the school band," I explained and he nodded slightly.

We were back to the silence and I wanted to scream. I finally pointed to my DVD collection and asked if he wanted to watch a movie. He stood and walked over to look at the shelf. I got a good look at his pretty impressive butt and wished he had casual clothes he could change into. He finally picked up a case and handed it to me.

I felt my face redden as I looked at the movie, The Last Tango in Paris. Did he really want to watch a risqué movie with someone he just met? I looked up to see his crooked smile and knew he was just teasing me. "Good one," I laughed and handed him back the case.

"You considered it, admit it," he said as he put it back.

"I'm fine watching it, I just thought with your shyness and all…."

"Okay, let's watch it," he said and pulled it back out.

Great, I was going to be all wound up with no possibility of becoming…unwound. This night was only getting worse.

3

I didn't know what he was thinking as he watched the graphic love scenes but I was dying of humiliation on the inside. We sat about two feet apart and I was ready to climb onto his lap when the movie finally ended. How do you act unaffected when you really want to drool all over the guy next to you?

I glanced at him, oh, that's how. He yawned and stretched his arms so I got up and turned off the movie and placed it back in its case.

"That movie has a great music score," he said as if he didn't notice the constant fornicating.

"Is that how you chose a movie, by the music?" I asked and came back to the couch.

"Not always," he said softly and then smiled as he looked away. "Your butt is better."

Damn right it is, but he surprised me by bringing up the nudity. I thought he would stay far away from that subject. "Well, it was in the 70's. Butts weren't in back then," I laughed. He nodded slightly and continued to look at his hands. I decided to push the conversation and find out just how socially inept this guy was. "Edward, are you a virgin?"

When a guy glares at you does it mean yes or no? He didn't answer, just glared. It was rude of me to ask, but he had been the worst date I ever had and I felt it entitled me to ask him a few uncomfortable questions.

"When was your last relationship?" I asked and really, really hoped he didn't ask me the same question.

"Why aren't you married?" he asked indignantly.

_Oh no he didn't_, I thought. His question was beyond inappropriate, it was downright mean spirited. It wasn't like I could go around asking men on dates and proposing myself, well I could, but I wasn't that liberated. Women had come a long way baby, but not that long.

When I didn't answer he mumbled, "Sorry."

That made it so much worse. Now he knew, that I knew, that he knew I was uncomfortable. I was so angry I spit out the first thing that came to my mind. "Rosalie had fake breasts." Oh God, I turned on one of my own just to spare my ego. I felt lower than dirt and his laughter made me feel even worse.

"Tell me something I don't know," he said and I looked at him in shock.

We moved back into the uncomfortable silence and I decided to answer his question. What could it hurt? It wasn't like we ran in the same crowd. I viewed him as a wooden dummy without the human with a hand up his ass.

"I concentrated on my grades in college. I didn't party much and date even less. When I got out of school I concentrated on my job and a place to live. By the time I got everything figured out all the good guys were gone," I said truthfully. I was aware it insulted him, but come on; he wasn't exactly the pick of the litter. He was handsome, but his conversation skills sucked.

"I wasn't trying to infer anything," he said softly. "I just wondered why someone like you would be single."

Like me? Hum….maybe this guy had more to offer than I thought. He saw someone like me as marriage worthy material. The socially stunted guy was brilliant, who would have thought?

"I'm sure I seem very forward to you, but I'm not," I admitted.

"Forward?" he chuckled, "No, not at all."

Okay, what did that mean? Was his shy act a way to get women to fall all over him so he isn't culpable the next morning? If he thought I was going to crawl up on his lap and grind all over him….God, I shouldn't have watched that movie, now all I could think about was crawling up on his lap and grinding all over him.

Oh he was good, alright.

"I think you are dangerous Mr. Cullen," I said and his eyes rose to look right at me. "Yeah, that's right, you're dangerous."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked innocently.

No, I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to get naked and more importantly I wanted him to want me to get naked.

"Do you want to leave?" I asked to put the onus back onto him.

He glanced at the door and then mumbled, "I don't have a way to leave."

Good Lord, I wanted to rip open his chest to see if he even had a beating heart. Now what did he mean by pointing out he didn't have transportation? Did he want me to offer him a ride? Did he want me to throw him on my back and carry his ass home? What?

"I can call you a cab if you like," I offered and then realized I had Rose's address but not Emmett's. But a simple phone call would solve the problem.

"I'll wait," he answered and looked around again.

"Would you like company while you wait, or would you rather I go to bed?" I stated to get everything in the open. I wasn't opposed to leaving him sitting out here in the dark. I would do anything to spare myself from this brutality of conversing with him.

He chuckled. He didn't grimace or wince; he didn't even give me a shrug of indecision. He simply chuckled. What in the hell does a chuckle mean? I broke. My patience finally ended and I stood to yell loudly. "Will you talk like a big boy and end this shy, unconfident, innocent shit."

I finally realized why I was still single. I was impatient, I was rude, I was insensitive, and I was stuck here with an imbecile. My life flashed before my eyes and it had spinster written all over it. It didn't matter how silky my hair was, or how perfectly I hid my small breasts.

He stood to face me. "I don't date much and I never date women I've never met before. This night has been uncomfortable for me and then my cousin will tease me all week for it. I'm sorry if you find my demeanor as shit, but I'm being honest."

"See, that right there helps a lot. You should tell me stuff like that," I said with a smile and sat back down. He sat next to me and a big smile grew on his face.

"How about now?" he asked.

I understood the three words he used, but I had no idea why he used them now. Did he want me to call him a cab now? "Okay, lost again," I admitted.

"I would like to touch your butt now," he clarified and I almost swallowed my tongue. Nobody would believe this date if I told them detail by detail. Who acts this way? How do you let someone touch your butt without any build up or foreplay?

"You want to touch my butt?" I asked to make sure I wasn't imagining it. I would head straight to a shrink if I was.

"I thought you wanted me to touch it?" he said and I mistakenly looked right into his grey eyes. They smoldered, or maybe I was just hoping they would smolder to make his request seem less bizarre. Who was I kidding, the man was gorgeous and I would love for him to touch my butt, I just wanted it to come about in a more natural fashion.

I slowly stood and turned my back to him. He reached out with both hands and gave my ass a firm squeeze. Was it possible to melt into the carpet from humiliation? He didn't say anything romantic or let a soft touch move into something more, he simply squeezed my butt and let his hands drop.

I sat back down and we both stared at our laps. My cell phone rang and I jumped up and practically ran to my purse to answer it. I was so relieved to see it was Rose calling. "Hi," I answered quickly.

"Hi, thanks a lot for giving us a break from Edward. Tell him Emmett is out front and he can leave now," she told me.

I looked at Edward and smiled, "Emmett is waiting out front."

He stood and walked to the door. I didn't follow, in case he wanted to touch my tiny tits. I waved and he gave a slight wave and walked out the door. I turned my attention back to the phone and said, "Oh my God. He is such a freak, why didn't you tell me I would be going out with lurch?"

"You don't think he's cute?" she asked.

"Of course he's cute, he is just socially handicapped. I would rather have a root canal than spend another moment with him. You owe me big time, Rose."

"I'm sorry; I was doing it for Emmett. Edward leaves next weekend and it won't be soon enough for me," Rose laughed.

We hung up and I brushed my teeth and then climbed into bed. I thought about my upcoming birthday and how all my good eggs were going to be gone soon. Infertility was preferable compared to procreating with someone like Edward. I was deep in thought when my phone rang again. I looked to see it was Rose.

"The answer is no," I said without a hello.

"You're not going to believe this Bella. Edward is crazy about you. He wants to see you again before he leaves."

"No, oh God no, never, no," I said quickly.

"Emmett said he's never seen Edward so excited before," she continued.

"Excited, he has one emotion, awkward."

"Well he's all hot for you," she laughed.

Oh man, I never should have let him touch my butt. It was most likely the only female butt he's ever touched and now he'll be following me around like a deranged teen.

"Tell him I'll be out of town next week. I don't care if you lie, just tell him something," I demanded.

"Bella, be nice," she teased and I called her a psychotic female dog.

I hung up and shook my head as I thought about the turn of events. My phone rang again and I picked it up without looking at the caller ID. "I said no," I yelled.

"Bella, this is Edward," a soft voice replied.

I am going to kill Rose, I am going to cut her into tiny pieces and throw her into the ocean. "Hi Edward." Did he not get enough of our mind numbing conversation so he had to call?

"I want to ask you a question," he said and I could tell how difficult this call was for him so I dampened my anger a bit. I remained quiet so he could ask but he remained quiet too. Rose is freaking dead.

"What is your question?" I finally asked.

"I would like to see you again before I leave. Would you go out with me again?"

Damn it, I could hear his voice shaking and no matter how deeply I dug I couldn't find it in me to shoot him down. I pounded my fist on the mattress as I said, "Sure Edward that would be nice."

No it wouldn't, it would be painful, horrible, awkward and excruciating.

"I've never done this before," he said and I wanted to scream, _no shit Sherlock_. He didn't need to tell me that, it was obvious. "Also, um…I don't drive."

"You don't have a car or you don't know how to drive?" I asked in shock.

"I told you I was raised on an island. I never learned to drive," he clarified and I wondered if he could possibly get loser tattooed across his forehead.

Since I had to see him again I decided to make it as painless as possible. Maybe if I took control it wouldn't be so bad. As long as he was willing to pay I could show him a good time, minus the butt squeezing.

"I can drive, what did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Anything, I just want to spend some time with you again?" he said softly as if it was something women hated to hear.

"Okay, let's see a movie," I suggested so it wouldn't involve conversation.

"Tomorrow?" he pushed and I made a face in the darkness. Now my entire weekend was ruined.

"Sure, I don't know where Emmett lives," I told him.

"Oh, why don't I have him drop me off at your place," he suggested and it would work but I really didn't want him in my apartment.

"Okay, I'll find a movie and then call you and let you know what time."

"Or I can just come over and hang out until time for the movie," he offered and I closed my eyes. Yeah he could come over and scrape his fingernails on a chalkboard too, but who would want that. I kept telling myself he would be gone in a week and I would never have to see him again.

I heard myself telling him to come over whenever he wanted and then hung up and screamed at my ceiling. Why couldn't I be an assertive, strong woman and tell him I didn't want to spend any more time with him. Now I was stuck spending a Sunday with someone I despised. Sundays were for lovers to spend in bed snuggling, not for weirdo's who couldn't hold a decent conversation.

I planned to throw away my entire Disney princess movie collection.


	2. Chapter 4 thru 6

4

All women have a point of no return. You can push her so far and once you reach her limit she becomes fiercely protective of her time, body, and civility. It usually involves lack of sleep or PMS. Edward showed up when I was still asleep. My doorbell rang and I opened my eyes to look at the clock on my bed table. It was eight in the morning.

I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled angrily to my door to find Edward smiling back at me. "You look different," he said and I knew he meant ugly.

"It is eight in the morning," I pointed out. "I was still asleep."

He came into the room and I shut the door behind him. I had no idea why he was here so early unless Emmett wanted more alone time with Rose. "You can go back to bed," he said.

"I'm not leaving you sitting alone in my apartment," I grumbled and headed back to my room to dress.

"I'll sleep too, if you want," he suggested and I turned to look at him. Now any other man making the same suggestion would be just a way to get into my bed, but Edward wasn't suave enough for a move like that. I knew he would innocently sleep next to me so I nodded and turned back to my room.

I crawled into my warm bed and felt like I was madly in love with my sheets. I pulled them to my chin and sank down into my pillow. Edward removed his shoes and climbed into my bed and turned away from me. Yep, he was in bed with a woman and didn't even know how to work it to his advantage. Maybe he was mentally challenged.

I went right back to sleep and remained so until I smelled coffee brewing. I opened my eyes to see it was now ten thirty and Edward wasn't in the bed. It was a nice idea to make coffee, but it creeped me out a little to know he was rustling around in my kitchen.

I got up and brushed my hair and teeth before going to the kitchen. He was sitting at my counter reading my paper. "I didn't say you could get out of bed," I said to tease him, but it sounded provocative and I quickly admitted I was kidding.

"I wasn't sleepy," he finally admitted and I felt he took a small step forward. I just wish he wasn't stepping in my apartment. It made me feel matronly and with thirty right around the corner it wasn't a feeling I relished.

I poured a cup of coffee from my coffee maker and tried to shake the feeling of being a bit violated. I mean he entered my domain, the kitchen, and made it his. I was chef raped. I decided to dig a bit deeper since he now knew where I stored my filters. "Why were you raised on an island?"

"It was where our home was," he said with confusion.

He was a patty short of a big mac.

"What did your father do that made it feasible to live on an island?" I clarified.

"Oh, he invented the Dummies series. You know like, Technology for Dummies, Chess for Dummies."

I see, he wrote for his son. It made total sense. "Why did you move to Chicago?"

He took a sip from his cup…again I felt a bit debased; he knew where my coffee cups were. Finally he answered, "My mom and Emmett's mom are sisters. When their mother, my grandmother, became ill we moved to Chicago to take care of her."

Wait, he said we…as in his parents. Oh please don't tell me he lives with his parents, it would be beyond pathetic. "Do you live with your parents," I asked and crossed my fingers he wouldn't say yes.

He blushed a little and nodded. Oh God, he probably slept in a bunk bed too. This couldn't possibly get any worse. I was spending the day with a man who most likely had a cabbage patch doll or a my buddy and probably still played with it.

I opened my cabinet and pulled out some aspirin. If I had anything stronger I would have taken it. I looked over to see him looking at me with an innocent face. He had no idea how totally weird he was, poor dumb guy. I sighed and had a flash of brilliance. "I'm going to get dressed and then we are going to turn you into a man," I said and ran toward my room. I suddenly stopped and looked back at his stunned face. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"How did it sound?" he asked and I wasn't sure if he was trying to get me to say it or if he was really that dense.

"I'll be right back," I said and ran to get dressed. I threw on some jeans and a tight shirt, I no longer cared about my less than stellar chest. I grabbed my jacket and pulled on some chucks before rushing back to the living room.

"What are we doing?" he asked and I thought I heard a bit of fear. His mother must coddle him terribly, but I was stepping up to make him at least as mature as a sixteen year old. I was going to teach him how to drive.

We headed out of the city to a remote mountain road and I pulled over to the side. "Here," I said and held out the keys to him to take.

"You want me to drive?" he asked in shock.

"Yes, this road is rarely used, so you won't run into traffic. Come on," I said and shook the keys.

He reached out hesitantly and took them from my hand. We both exited the car and traded sides. I was smiling widely, but he looked like he was late for a trig exam. He moved slowly forward with his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly and his foot perched over the brake. He drove for several miles before he finally calmed down enough to drive twenty miles an hour.

"You're doing great," I told him and he gave me a genuine smile. I felt like his mother…no not mother, babysitter. Yea, I felt like his teenage babysitter.

That thought led to thoughts of babies and my biological clock set off an alarm. I glanced at Edward and tried to see something redeemable about him. Maybe if I got him out of Chicago and away from his mommy he would be a good man. It wasn't like they were breaking my door down for dates so I shouldn't discount an available man.

The old adage was right…men were like parking spots, all the good ones were taken and the rest are handicapped.

After driving for close to an hour we traded places again and headed back to the city. I wasn't too psyched about a movie so I asked if there was anything he wanted to do.

"Is there an art museum around?" he asked.

"Yes, a few. What kind of art do you like?" I asked and hoped he didn't say abstract.

"I like abstract," he said. Of course he did, it was the story of my life. I headed to the art museum and when we walked up to the ticket counter he pulled out his wallet and I saw it was stuffed with money. It would have impressed me if I didn't have the feeling he brought all of his allowance to Seattle with him.

We walked quietly through the various rooms and I became lost in my own thoughts. I stared at the paintings which looked like children, blind children, painted them. I shook my head and turned to see Edward standing in front of a canvas with tears in his eyes.

I moved closer to him and he quickly wiped his eyes and looked away. "Do you like this painting?" I asked him.

"Yes," he answered softly.

"What is it?" I asked since it looked like swirls of blobs to me.

"It is emotions," he said and I was confused even more. I stared for a few seconds and he finally leaned closer and said. "Feel the sorrow. The blue is trapped, surrounded, unable to blend or seep into something brighter."

I looked at the blue paint in the middle surrounded by other colors. He pointed to a line and said, "The brush strokes are harsh and angry."

I saw what he meant and I felt the hopelessness of the painting. I suddenly became much more interested in the other works and moved to the next one. "Tell me about this one," I said enthusiastically.

He smiled and said, "It's passionate, feral and wild. The reds almost explode into each other and then battle for their space to exist together and alone at the same time."

I turned my head sideways as I tried to see what he explained. I didn't get it.

"What do you see?" he asked me.

"Um…I see, a bullfight, a bloody bullfight."

He laughed loudly and I felt like I was finally seeing the real Edward. He knew all about art, it was human interactions he struggled with. We got some food in the museum café and then looked through more rooms before leaving for the day.

I turned to him when we got into the car and said, "Do you know directions to Emmett's place or should I call Rosalie?"

He didn't respond right away and looked down before saying, "Can I go home with you?"

Was he asking to spend the night or for me to babysit him? I wasn't sure what to say and started the car to stall for time. I eventually looked back over at him and asked, "Do you want to spend the night with me?"

I meant for my question to clarify what he was thinking, not to sound like an offer, but when I heard it come out of my mouth it sounded like an offer. I had no idea how to take it back with it sounding rude. But, the guy had not even kissed me so sex was not a remote possibility. This weekend just wouldn't end.

"I like you," he said.

Okay, he likes me. I like M&M's but it doesn't mean I have sex with them. Although I wouldn't mind having sex, I just want to have sex with a man who knows what a condom is and how to use it. Having sex with Edward would make me feel like a pedophile.

I drove back to my apartment deep in thought and not conversing with Edward once. I planned to call Rose from my bathroom and make her come get him. I played nice and my time was up. Edward followed me back to my door and remained a step behind me the entire way.

I fixed us both a drink and made mine extra strong. He sat on the couch without speaking so I finally asked him to pick out a movie. I went to the bathroom and called Rose but she didn't answer. I left a message, "Call me as soon as you get this."

I returned to find Edward holding out a case. He chose Body Heat. What was with the erotic movies? It was the last thing I needed so I grabbed a pillow and blanket and tried to sleep, but I couldn't help but become caught up in the movie.

Edward stared at the screen without any emotion. Maybe he didn't get it, maybe he had no idea what sex was and thought they were wrestling? When it ended I turned to look at him and he smiled softly. I decided to be blunt before my poor body spontaneously combusted.

"Edward, have you been in a long term relationship before?" I asked him.

"What is long term?" he asked. Man, not a good sign if he had to ask.

"Not so much long term, but exclusive. Have you been in an exclusive relationship before?"

"I saw a music teacher once a week," he said and I stared stupidly at him. Did sitting on a bench next to a female make a relationship? Man, I have been in relationships I didn't even realize. I shook my head and opened my mouth to speak when my phone rang.

It was my salvation and I talked Rose into picking up Edward. I walked him to the lobby of my building and when her car pulled up he turned to look at me. "Bella, can I see you tomorrow?"

Oh God, this torture was never going to end. "I may have to work late tomorrow. I'm a bit behind," I said truthfully. He nodded and walked out the door.

I couldn't stop thinking about him all night, how pitiful was that!

5

The next morning I dressed for work and showed up early to get a jump on my faxes. Alice came in soon after me and I rushed to her office. She had red, swollen eyes and I could tell she had been crying. I couldn't bring up my problems when hers were tear worthy. It was an unspoken female rule, like carrying extra tampons in your purse in case a stranger needs one.

"Are you okay?" I asked and put my arm around her shoulder.

"Oh God, Bella," she sobbed. "I'm pregnant."

Perfect, my alarm was still sounding loudly and she adds to it by becoming pregnant. Alice was two years younger than me and since she was living with Jasper I had no idea why she would be crying.

"Don't you want children?" I asked her. I thought everyone wanted children, even when I swore up and down my life would be fine without them.

"I want a baby; it just isn't the right time. Jasper is finishing grad school and we don't know where we will end up," she tried to explain.

I didn't understand her dilemma. A baby could go with them wherever they ended up, why was it such a bad time?

I gave her a sturdy hug and assured her everything would be fine. She would grow accustomed to the idea and it wouldn't seem so scary. I went back to my own office and worked until Rose got in. She stood in my door way with a guilty grin. "Edward is ga ga over you."

Yes, that was exactly how I felt. He was a baby incapable of speech so ga ga fit the description. I gave her my deadliest glare and said forcefully, "You keep him away from me for the rest of the week."

"Come on, he's a nice guy," she said with a chuckle.

"He is, but he is so awkward. I feel sorry for him but I don't want to be his companion out of pity. Why would anyone raise a kid away from society?"

"Emmett said he was very privileged."

I shook my head to disagree with her. It isn't a privilege to grow up without social skills, it is borderline abusive. "What is with his obsession with sexual movies?" I asked her.

"He probably needs them to learn what to do," she laughed and headed back to her office.

I turned my attention back to my faxes but her comment kept coming back into my thoughts. Could a man really be so naïve that he needed to learn intimacy from movies? I began to think about kissing him, or more importantly teaching him how to kiss. I would teach him to kiss the way I like, not all wet and sloppy like some men find seductive.

I would teach him to keep his hands off my chest and ass until I felt the time was right. Too many men jumped from point A to point S without leading up to it. I would show him how to hold my head in his hands and let his fingers run softly down my back to pull me closer. Then I would….

"Bella?" someone called out loudly.

I jumped and looked at the door to see my boss Mike Newton, staring at me. "Did you say something?" I asked.

"You look flushed," he commented.

Great, my boss not only finds me daydreaming, but having a sexual daydream about what I would teach a man in order to please myself. A man who was maturely handicapped…..more so than normal men.

"What do you need?" I asked to ignore the flushed comment.

"Are you seeing anyone?" he asked.

What the hell was going on? I go an entire year without a date and suddenly everyone wants to set me up. I was seeing someone, or more correctly I was hiding from someone.

"I'm single," I answered.

"An old college buddy just moved here, I think you would like him."

"Does he live with his parents?" I asked hesitantly.

"No," he said and gave me a funny look.

"Okay, set something up," I said, since I had a dress I needed to get good use out of. He nodded and then left me to go back to my daydreaming…or working.

The day went by quickly and I was caught up and ready to leave by six that evening. I drove to the market and stopped to pick up some soup and detergent. I stepped out of the elevator to see Edward sitting next to my door. He jumped up and came closer to take the grocery bag from my hands.

"Be careful, there is a container of soup in there," I said. I was surprised he thought to help me with the bag, but angry that he was there at all.

I opened my door and then turned to take the bag. "What are you doing here, Edward?"

"I wanted to see you," he said with a smile that made me smile in return. It was like looking at a kid in a grocery cart, you just naturally smile at them.

"I'm really tired," I said to give him a hint, but he didn't understand bluntness let alone subtlety.

"I'll make you soup if you want to change into sleepwear," he offered.

He's seems capable in the kitchen, just not in the bedroom. I left him to act as my maid and went to change my clothes and take a hot bath. When I finally returned he had my soup and some crackers waiting for me. It felt nice, in a really odd way.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked him.

"No, I ate with Emmett on the way over here," he said.

"You should have called to tell me you were coming," I said to educate him. His brow furrowed and he thought about it before nodding.

"Can I buy you a painting?" he asked.

"You don't have to buy me things," I said. If a guy wanted to part with some cash he should purchase jewelry, not paintings.

"I want you to have it. It reminds me of you," he said and his exuberance was so child like.

"Thank you. It is very kind of you," I said and hoped it wasn't some abstract crazy blood looking thing.

He ran his hands through his messy hair and looked at the floor when he spoke. "Bella, I used to have a dream when I lived on the island. A girl with long dark hair would stand at the edge of the surf and I wanted her to turn around so badly. I never had the nerve to approach her, but I prayed she would turn around just once."

Thud…that was good, really good. It was almost better than jewelry. A lonely boy on a romantic island dreamed of a girl he thought was you; it would get any chick into bed.

"Why would you be afraid to approach her? She was probably looking for you and didn't know you were right behind her," I said, because it was pretty much a freaking metaphor for my life.

His eyes rose to meet mine and I saw such sadness in the grey. "Sometimes it is better to hope she was looking for you, than to know she wasn't."

Thud, thud…my heart was pounding more than when watching the risqué movies. This bumbling awkward man just said the most romantic thing ever. I got out of my chair and walked over to stand in front of him. His eyes darted around nervously and I lightly let my arms snake around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest.

"That was beautiful, Edward." I could feel him trembling as his arms came softly to my back. It was sweet and creepy at the same time. "How old are you?" I inquired.

"Twenty-eight," he said softly.

Perfect. He was younger than me. It was only one year, but it still stung. Let's assume everything worked out, we fell madly in love and married to begin having babies. That would mean a socially repressed, conversationally challenged, non driving man got into a relationship a year before I did. How can shit like this happen?

"I'm twenty-nine," I admitted painfully.

"You look much younger," he said and I didn't know if I should kiss him or kick him in the balls. I pulled out of his hold and went back to my soup. Oh God, I was eating soup like a toothless old woman. I should be eating Twinkies and Pepsi like I did in college. When did I turn into a soup slurping spinster?

I slipped into a quiet depression as I ate and Edward stared at me. It would have freaked me out a week ago, but I was slowly coming to the realization this may be my only change to snag a guy. I glanced over at his handsome face; at least he had that going for him. But was being handsome enough?

I finished eating and rinsed out my bowl before moving to the living room. Edward sat on the sofa and I sat next to him. I pulled a pillow into my lap and hugged it tightly. "Are you mad?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine," I lied. He wouldn't understand my mood, I'm not sure I even understood it.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked.

"Do I have to use a decoder ring?" I asked sarcastically.

His forehead pulled into a confused stare and I shook my head and told him to go ahead. He took a deep breath and then said, "I've never kissed anyone before."

Wow, huge secret. It was like the time I got into my dad's liquor cabinet and drank his bourbon. He didn't have to ask who did it, since I couldn't walk and vomited all over his shoes. I pulled my feet up onto the sofa and turned to face him. "Would you like me to teach you how to kiss?" I asked.

"No," he said angrily.

Oh shit, I thought he was asking to kiss me, not just unburdening his conscience. Now I feel stupid and horny. "Oh," I said and turned back around. "I thought you….never mind."

"I told you because I want you to know what it means," he said quietly.

"What it means?" I asked, since I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Yeah," he said and took another deep breath. I watched as he licked his lips and shook his hands to steady them. Then he turned to face me and put one hand on my neck. I looked into his eyes, which were nervous and wide. He finally closed them and leaned in slowly.

I remained looking at him as his face came closer and closer to mine. I lined up my lips with his and we touched briefly, very lightly. He pulled back just a bit and then leaned in again. This time my mouth pushed harder onto his and his other hand rose to my cheek. He pulled back and leaned his forehead onto mine.

Holy hell, it was a simple closed mouth kiss and I felt my body burst into flames. I wanted him, I needed him, I was ready to use my own date rape pill. "You are a great kisser," I whispered and watched his mouth form into a smile.

I wanted to add more, like tell him it was a great start but we had a long way to go. I could introduce him to my small chest, or really knock his socks off and put his hand down my flannel pajama pants. But like everything in my life opportunity knocks at the wrong time. This time it came in the shape of a large, muscle bound cousin knocking at my door.

"That's Emmett, I have to go," he said and pulled away.

Now I know exactly how toddlers feel with their favorite toy is taken away. I wanted to stomp my feet and yell, NO. This was the third time he got me hot and bothered and left me hanging. Before he could open the door I yelled, "Can you stay the night?"

He looked back at my panting body and said, "I'll ask him if I can stay tomorrow."

I swallowed and felt like a perv after a child again. Who asks their cousin if they can spend the night with an older woman? But maybe Emmett would tell him the facts of life and send him ready and able to use a condom… ask away.

I nodded and he walked out the door. I put my fingers to my lips and ran them back and forth. If he does other things as well as he kisses….oh hell, this was going to be a long night.

6

Today at work I was a first rate bitch. I ripped the faxes as they were still working their way out of the machine. I growled at anyone who looked at me and wondered how I could get a different job, in a different city, in a different body.

I considered going back to school. Isn't that what career confused people did? I often heard people say they did one thing and then went back to school. I had no idea what else I would study and couldn't stand the thought of returning to the starving student life, no matter how pathetic my soup slurping became.

Alice came into my office and sat down. She looked less panicked and I smiled at her. "Feeling better?"

"Yes, Jasper told me not to stress."

Why were we so easily swayed? A major life altering event happens and a man says not to be stressed and everything is suddenly fine.

"I'm glad you're doing better. Can I talk to you about something?" I asked so she could give me a fresh pair of eyes on my situation.

"Shoot."

"I'm seeing a guy…."

"The one Rose set you up with?" she gasped.

"Yeah, he leaves this weekend."

"Oh, so it's just sex?" she asked hopefully. Yeah, I was hopeful like that too, and it cost me one hundred and ninety dollars on a dress.

"That's the problem," I admitted. "He's never, I mean ever, been with a woman."

"He's a virgin?" she gasped.

"He had his first kiss last night," I said and could feel my face turning red as I spoke the words. I was embarrassed for Edward and felt a bit dirty for kissing him, even if it was like a grandma kiss.

She stared with wide eyes and then fell back into her chair in laughter. I didn't find it funny at all. Maybe a little. Hell, it was hilarious.

"Shut up," I told her.

"Do you want me to tell you how to get him into bed?" she laughed.

"It isn't even the sex thing, Alice. He's very…God, I don't know how to explain it. He is socially awkward, uncomfortable with simple conversation, but I can't seem to stop thinking about him. He knows art, and he seems to be very intelligent. He likes erotic movies but they have no reaction at all on him."

"Maybe he's gay," she suggested.

"Rose said he really likes me. He was sitting next to my door when I got home last night."

She put her hand over her heart and gave me a precious, "Ah."

I guess it could be considered sweet, but it could also be considered very stalkerish. I didn't have the time to waste on a guy who needed to grow up, or the energy to waste time on a stalker. I sighed heavily and Alice came over to give me a supportive hug.

Mike came into my office and motioned for me to follow him. I walked behind him out the door. It wasn't like walking behind Edward. I didn't want to be at Mike's side and he was married so it was a waste of effort. He walked to his car and I finally called out to him, "Where are we going?"

"A late lunch, I want you to meet my buddy," he said and climbed into his car.

I ran around to the other side and looked in at him. "Now?" I asked ignorantly, because I couldn't think of anything more appropriate to ask.

"Yes, get in," he said with authority and I quickly climbed into the seat.

We drove a few blocks away and pulled into a small grill. A tall dark man walked toward the car with a big smile on his face. He was handsome and opened my door and extended his hand. "Hello, I'm Jacob Black. I hope Mike pays you well for doing this," he laughed.

"I'm Bella Swan, of course I'll get a huge raise," I teased back.

We all sat down and ordered soda and appetizers. Jake was easy to talk to and very charming. He asked about my interests and told me about himself. He worked for an oil company doing seismograph exploration. He actually acted impressed by my useless anthropology degree. Time passed quickly and when we left Jake asked for my number and said he would call.

I returned to work with the feeling my life was going to change forever. Jake was everything I could possibly want, personable, good looking, employed…what else could a girl want? I had reason to believe my dress wasn't a waste of money and could be put to good use.

I headed home on time and stepped out of the elevator to find Edward sitting at my door again. Oh crap, I had planned on blowing him off when he called but of course he didn't call because that was what a normal person would do.

"Hi," I said a little less than enthusiastically.

He held up a large frame and smiled, "I bought you a painting."

I opened my door and let him before he turned the painting around for me to see a woman with dark hair lying in a bed. Her face was turned away and her hand was extended as if calling for someone to join her. It was a beautiful, subtly sexy painting.

"This reminds you of me?" I asked with a smile and felt he finally did something right.

"Yeah, look," he said and pointed at the headboard of the bed, which was the same as mine.

Was he freaking kidding me? He thought of me because of the bed frame and not the woman reaching for her lover. God, he was so stupid.

"Thanks, I'll hang it over my bed," I said and reached for the frame.

I'll do it," he said with a big smile and headed down the hallway. I grabbed my little tool chest and followed him. He kicked off his shoes and jumped up onto my bed.

"Hey," I yelled. "Get your feet off my pillow."

"I have to hang the picture," he said in confusion.

"I'll help you move the bed," I explained to his lacking intellect. I couldn't believe he would just stand on my bed, maybe at home his family walked all over their furniture. Their island home was probably a cave or a hut like Gilligan's Island.

I left to let him work alone and changed into some casual clothes. I was thinking about Jake and wishing he was the one in my bedroom instead of Edward. When he finished he came to find me with a big smile on his face. I laughed at his excitement and followed him into my room to see how it looked. He had put my bed back by himself and I had to admit the painting was gorgeous.

"Thank you, Edward," I said and kissed him on the cheek. He nodded and then walked away….Okay, weirdo.

I admired the painting and then went into the other room. I had to find some way to be polite but spending the night with the guy was not going to be payment for a painting…a car maybe, but never a painting.

"Are you excited to get back home?" I asked him, because I sure was excited for him to get back home.

"I have a lot of work to do," he said casually. I held my tongue and didn't offer to let him get back to work right now. I glanced at the clock, counting down the evening already.

Chirp…chirp….chirp….. I couldn't think of anything to talk about and he sat stiffly on the sofa. "So," I finally said. "How was your day?"

"I bought the painting," he said, because yeah I didn't know that by looking at the painting.

I huffed loudly and took the remote and turned on the television. We watched the news for several minutes and he finally initiated some conversation.

"Bella, you're different," he said and turned to look at me.

What the hell, I was normal, he was the freak. "What do you mean?" I asked angrily.

"Most people don't….well, I don't have any friends," he said and then looked away.

Damn it, now I couldn't just ignore him. I placed my hand on his and said, "Edward, you're a nice man, you just need to open up a little. You seemed so confident at the museum when you taught me about abstract art. You need to be more assertive."

"I meet a lot of women, but they're so…I don't know, I don't like them," he said.

"Are you attracted to me?" I asked, because he did kiss me, but then left and hadn't tried it again.

"You're beautiful," he said softly.

"Do you ever feel like, I mean, do you think about touching me?" I am pitiful. I am begging a shy guy to feel me up. My father would have a coronary if he knew.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted.

I took his hand into mine and then pulled it onto my lap to get him to face me. I placed my hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. He didn't move so I whispered, "Kiss me."

He leaned slowly until his mouth attached to mine and then began to pull away again. I let my hand slide to the back of his neck and pulled him tightly to me. I kissed him hard and forced my tongue into his mouth. He tensed but I ignored him.

I, Bella Swan, forced myself on a man. I acted barbaric and wouldn't let him pull away. I was behaving like…like…like a man. After several minutes of my one woman show he finally relaxed and went along with the assault. His arms came around me and I pushed him back so I was on top of him.

My thigh pressed against him and I could tell he was aroused, but he suddenly pushed me away and jumped off the couch. Oh my God, I was panting like a pervert and he looked terrified. This ought to end any romantic notions he had about me. Yep, this would send him running right back to his secluded island.

"I'm sorry," I said in humiliation and wished he would leave so I could call Jake.

"Was I disrespectful?" he asked in horror.

What was he talking about, he didn't do anything, and yeah that was downright disrespectful. When a woman gives you the green light you should GO, buddy!

"I wanted to kiss you like that," I said loudly and proudly….well, at least loudly. "Edward, I'll be thirty in three weeks. Thirty," I repeated like it was a dirty word. "I'm not naïve and I enjoy your company." The last part was a stretch, but if he would give it up a little I would possibly enjoy his company.

My phone rang and I walked over to see it was Jake calling. I motioned for Edward to hang on and then took the call in the other room. Jake invited me to get a drink with him and I quickly agreed. I called Rose before coming back into the room and told her to come get Edward. Then I made up a huge lie.

"Edward, I have an emergency at work and I have to take care of it right away. Emmett and Rose are coming to get you. Thank you again for the painting, it's beautiful." I rushed out of the apartment and headed to the club Jake mentioned.

I saw him right when I entered the place. He stood and waved me over. His tall body and big smile were easily recognizable. "How are you?" he said when I sat across from him.

"Great, thanks for calling," I said without telling him why I was so grateful.

We chatted easily and had a lot in common. His father was a policeman just like my dad and he attended college on a scholarship. He was so comfortable to be around and he was very good looking, so why in the hell was I thinking about Edward every couple of minutes?

I couldn't imagine Jake standing on my bed, or pulling away when I kissed him. Jake was charming and doing all the right things, he was perfect and my stupid brain tried so hard to focus on the man in front of me. Maybe Edward had simply gotten under my skin and it would take a bit to forget about him. I didn't know what it was, but the longer the night went on the more I wanted to be with Edward.

I'll probably never get married if I desire emotionally stunted men.


	3. Chapter 7 thru 9

7

It was close to ten when I told Jake I had to leave. I would be dragging at work the next morning if I didn't call it a night. He walked me to my car and gave me a soft, sensuous kiss like a man should. I drove home without feeling my lips once.

I washed off my makeup and crawled into bed before turning on the television to unwind before falling asleep. I listened to some local news and closed my eyes for a moment. The next story was about a painting from a local artist selling for several tens of thousands of dollars. I opened my eyes to see my painting staring back at me on the screen.

I sat up with a gasp and turned to look at the painting on the wall. Why would he pay so much for a gift for me? And then I yelled at him for standing on my seven dollar pillow. This was too creepy, and also incredibly romantic. He probably put it on a credit card he would be paying off for the next thirty years.

I thought about how he lived with his parents and that must save him a lot of money, but not anywhere near what he paid for the painting. I felt sick inside and grabbed my phone to call Rose.

"I need to see Edward, right away," I yelled into the phone.

"I'm tired of being his taxi," Rose complained.

Yeah, a taxi, that would work. "Send him over here in a cab. I'll let him stay here tonight," I said because the painting was way more than a car.

I was still in my pajamas and pacing the floor when he knocked on my door. I ran and opened it and pulled him into my apartment. The expression on his face made me laugh. He looked like I was taking him to the gallows. I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Relax Edward, I won't hurt you."

"Are you angry with me?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, wait…yes. I'm angry with you for spending so much money on a painting. Can you return it?"

"You don't like it?" he asked.

"It is too much money. I can't let you spend that much on me," I told him and tried not to sound ungrateful.

"But you like it?" he asked, and I felt tears fill my eyes and I nodded as I tried to smile at him. "I want you to have it. I bought it for you."

"Edward, it is an obscene amount of money. You don't even know me," I said, to show him the absurdity of his purchase.

His face looked stunned and then instantly turned angry. His eyes narrowed and he put his hands on his hips before speaking harshly. "I told you it meant a lot to kiss you. I thought you understood."

"No, I don't understand," I yelled back at him. "I don't understand at all. You hardly speak and act like I molest you every time I put my hands on you." I realized that comment was unfair, since it was me acting like the molester and he never once acted like the molestee.

"It's not like the movies," he said and sat on the couch in frustration. "I thought it would just come naturally, but it doesn't. I like kissing you, but I don't know what to do after that."

"You need to express what you feel and what you think. Talk about it, Edward," I encouraged him.

"I don't want to have intercourse," he said adamantly. I didn't think it was possible for the male gender to say those words. Maybe he was an alien from a far away planet instead of a remote island.

"Why?" I asked, not to pressure him, but so I could understand.

"It isn't respectful. I want to do things but I don't know when to stop," he said honestly.

I glanced around the room for a hidden camera and expected Rose and Emmett to jump out and tell me the whole thing was a joke. I asked him to verbalize his feelings and he did, so I needed to respond. How do you respond to a guy who wants to go to a few bases but is afraid of hitting a homerun?

"When you begin to feel uncomfortable just tell me," I said and remembered a boy in high school using those exact words with me. I had evolved into our homecoming king.

"I realize I'm not normal," he said sadly, and I found myself contradicting him, but actually normal wasn't even in the same neighborhood as him.

"I'll tell you what," I finally conceded. "I'm tired, just come lay in my bed and we'll sleep."

He looked relieved and stood to head down my hallway. I walked behind him and chuckled. He took off his shoes and pulled off his shirt. Oh my hell, what had I gotten myself into? I swallowed deeply and pulled down the covers. I climbed in first and Edward got in behind me.

I faced the wall so I wouldn't see his bare chest. He scooted up behind me and gently put his arm over my waist. I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed it before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep. I thought the day would end this way with Jake and never dreamed it would be Edward holding me in his arms. No wonder I was still single, I constantly made the wrong choice.

I woke up the next morning in the exact same position. I don't think either one of us moved an inch the entire night. Why was I in bed with a man who not only didn't have a clue what to do but had no desire to learn? I stared at the wall as I contemplated my life.

A cute, outgoing, personable man with a job seemed to like me. A cute, shy, social misfit with a job seemed to like me too. Now if I was advising my best friend who to choose, what would I tell her? Outgoing guy opens my doors and asks all about my life…Weird guy buys me expensive art, and I am not that interested in art, so why is Edward in my bed and not Jake.

"Bella?" Edward said with a froggy voice.

Crap, he heard me thinking, I hope I didn't say anything out loud. "Yeah," I responded.

"Can you take the day off?" he asked.

Unless I was deathly ill I never took a day off. Just the thought of all the faxes piling up made me a bit nauseous. I can't just take a day off without preparation. "I have too much work to do," I said.

"Okay, I'll take a cab to Emmett's," he said sadly and climbed from the bed.

I turned to look at him as he pulled his shirt back onto his body. He was such a waste of perfectly good abs and chest. I didn't know if I should expect him back tonight or not. Were we in some sort of freaky, preteen romance?

"When do you go back to Chicago," I asked, knowing he told me but never a specific time.

"I leave Saturday morning," he said and sat on the edge of my bed.

Tick, tick, chirp, chirp. I finally scooted closer and kissed him chastely on the lips. He smiled and left the room so I got into the shower. Work was so boring and I realized there was not one emergency that couldn't have waited for tomorrow. I finally clocked out and headed home. I made a batch of cookies and hoped it made me appear spontaneous and childlike and not maidish and grandmotherly.

I heard a sound against the door and wondered if perhaps it was Edward, so I opened it. He looked up and a big smile formed on his face. "You're home already?"

"Yeah, come in, I made cookies." Oh God, I sounded like a mother welcoming her child home from school. This was the most dysfunctional relationship I could imagine. I wanted the whole thing so badly that I ignored all the weirdness going on around me. I wanted the ring, the wedding, the children and the happily ever after. Surely Edward would become normal as he searched the Tiffany's catalog.

"I got something for you," he said, and I felt ice run through my veins. Please don't tell me he bought another painting.

"What?" I asked.

He pulled something from his pocket and handed it to me. I opened the envelope and saw a ticket to Chicago. "You can use it anytime, there isn't a date on it," he explained.

"You bought me an open ended ticket to Chicago?" I said in shock.

"I want you to come see me," he said nervously and then looked away.

I pictured a dark basement with low ceilings and shag carpet where he played video games and ate in a torn overstuffed chair. His mother would yell down for him to turn the sound lower as she coughed from cigarette smoke.

I had no idea if that was what his life was like; it was simply my imagination getting the better of me. I hadn't had a vacation in years and maybe it would be fun to see Chicago. I didn't feel we were that far along in the relationship, but I would go and see if we could move a bit faster on his own turf.

"Thank you, Edward. I would love to come see you," I said, and noticed how his smile widened. I had to admit he was pretty damn cute.

We stared at each other in an awkward silence…oh yeah, going to Chicago would be a snap. Was I born stupid or was it caused by the lack of a ring on my left hand?

"Are you hungry?" I asked him and he shook his head and took another bite of his cookie. Well, I was hungry so I went to the fridge and looked for something to eat. I wasn't about to heat up the soup, that would be so pitiful it would make me cry. I finally settled on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Edward watched me prepare it and eat it without saying a word. I finally decided to begin mining for conversation so I asked, "Do you like Chicago better than the island?"

"In some ways," he said with a shrug. Okay, that tunnel has been mined.

"Are you and Emmett close?" I asked.

"Emmett is very…pedantic," he said, and I glanced at the dictionary and contemplated looking up the word to see what he meant, instead I nodded as if I agreed.

"Rosalie is a great woman," I said. "She seems taken with Emmett."

Edward stared as if I was talking gibberish. Fine, the Emmett and Rose tunnel was now mined too. I went for the only other option I could think of. "Do you want to drive again?"

Bingo, I finally hit the jackpot. He nodded enthusiastically and I had to refrain from saying, "Let mommy get her keys."

We headed out of the city to the same obscure road I had taken him to before. This time he drove faster and seemed a lot more confident. I encouraged him, and complemented him often…just like a good mother would.

When he finished practicing he pulled over and we both got out of the car. When we passed each other at the front of the vehicle he put his arm out to catch me. I looked at him in surprise and he leaned in to give me a sweet kiss. It was still too generic and without any tongue, but I felt he was trying to be a bit spontaneous.

We drove back to the city and I pulled into a bar parking lot. "Do you want a drink?" I asked him.

"If you do," he responded. That was why I pulled into the parking lot, but whatever.

We sat at a booth near the front and both ordered a beer. The music was playing and I was singing softly to myself when the door opened and a tall dark man walked in. I instinctively scrunched down and tried to turn my face away. Edward saw my reaction and turned to look at Jake.

"Do you know him?" he asked.

"Um…I'm not sure," I lied.

Jake smiled and headed right toward our table. I was fates punching bag, and wished I could disappear at this moment.

8

I wasn't sure which was worse, Edward seeing Jake or Jake seeing me with Edward. I didn't owe either guy an explanation even though Edward had been in my bed. If a guy can sleep right next to you for an entire night and not try anything, he didn't earn an explanation.

Jake came over and sat on the booth seat right next to me. "Hi Bella," he said as if genuinely happy. "I'm Jacob Black," he said to Edward and extended his hand.

Edward shook it but didn't respond. "This is Edward Cullen," I said softly.

"Let me buy you both a drink and then let you get back to your evening," he offered and raised his hand for the waitress to come over.

I felt like dirt, or gum, yeah, I felt like gum stuck to the bottom of life's shoe. I didn't have a mouth to belong to so I traveled as trash stuck to others. I thanked Jake for his generosity and watched him walk away and approach a group of guys. I saw how he chatted easily with everyone around him. I looked back at my silent date and wished something would open him up.

"I just met Jake recently," I said, as an explanation.

"Oh," he said. One syllable was all he used.

"Edward, I am begging you to please talk to me," I finally said with exasperation. "Say something, anything."

"Your shirt is unbuttoned," he said and looked down at his drink.

My head snapped down to see just the top two buttons of my blouse were undone. Did he really expect me to button all of them? It wasn't like I had huge breasts hanging out. I could go topless and not cause a commotion.

I looked back up and gave him a disgusted tisk. "My shirt is fine."

"Okay, I didn't know if you knew," he said, and I let my hand fall to the table with a loud slap.

"There is nothing wrong with my shirt," I demanded. "Are you saying I look risqué?"

"I…no, I didn't mean to insult you," he said in his defense.

"Then say my shirt is fine," I challenged him, because damn it, my shirt was fine.

"If you're okay with…."

"No, say the words, 'Your shirt is fine, Bella.'"

"I don't know women's fashion," he said, and I wasn't letting him get away with it.

"Say it," I yelled loudly.

"Your shirt is fine," he finally spit out. "Don't make a scene."

Oh. My. God. If he thought this was a scene he was just plain stupid. I had not even begun to make a scene. I was going to be making a huge scene in about five seconds.

"You have beautiful skin and it makes me want to touch it, I just thought other people were wanting to touch it too, that was all I meant."

Hum…that changes things. He was actually having romantic thoughts about my skin. It was about damn time. I leaned over and smiled as I said softly, "I would like for you to touch me."

His hand reached out and I quickly backed up. He wanted to touch me here? Like in front of a crowded bar? That was not what I had in mind. I hurried with my drink and when I asked to settle the tab he pulled out his wallet. I let him pay, even thought I owed him big time for the painting. Having a conversation with him was so difficult I felt it wouldn't hurt him to pay for the drink.

We headed back to my place and I asked, "Are you staying the night?" I actually thought about making a tent in the living room out of blankets like I did as a kid. It wasn't like we would be having sex.

"Last night you talked in your sleep," he said, and I felt my mouth fall open in shock. I didn't know I talked in my sleep, but then again, how would I know. I didn't have a husband or lover to tell me things like this.

"What did I say?" I asked, and hoped it wasn't profane.

"You said, 'Edward, please.'"

"Please what?" I asked.

"I don't know. It was all you said, over and over again."

Whew…that wasn't too bad. It could be interpreted in many different ways. Maybe he was hogging the covers or maybe I was dreaming about his coffee. Come on Bella, you had a guy holding you all night and you wanted a lot more, admit it.

"Let me ask you a question," I said bravely. Here it was, my defining moment as a take charge woman. "How do you see our relationship?"

"See it?" he asked for clarification.

"Yeah, how would you define us?" I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth. I had known him for less than a week and we were having the DTR (define the relationship). I had digressed into a teenager all over again.

"You're different," he reiterated. Nothing more, just pointed out my individuality. What in the hell did that mean?

"You bought me a painting and a plane ticket simply because I am different?" I asked.

"I want to see you again," he said, and I finally gave up on the DTR.

I got a text and looked at my phone to see it was from Jake. It read, _I don't want to interrupt your date but are you free Friday or Saturday?_

Edward was standing right there but since he was leaving Saturday morning I texted back_, Saturday would be great._

I asked him to pick a movie out of my collection and went into my room to change into some comfortable clothes. I came back to find him lying on the couch without his shirt or shoes. Hot damn, this was how he should appear at all times. I walked over and joined him on the couch. He let his arm drape over me and we watched Caligula.

I realized these were my movies, but I also had ones like Stardust, The Princess Bride, and Thirteen Again. If Caligula didn't get him aroused I was ready to assume he was indeed gay. Half way through the movie I turned onto my back and looked up at him.

He smiled softly and looked back at the screen. I raised my finger and traced the line of his jaw, feeling the gentle pricking of his facial hair. When my finger reached his lips he finally looked down at me again.

"You are a beautiful man," I said in just a whisper.

He leaned over and kissed me. This time it wasn't so chaste. He licked his tongue lightly over my lips and kissed me several times sensuously. I had been waiting for this all week. My hand moved to his neck and I rolled to lean my body against his.

Hallelujah, we have a boner. I tried to remain calm and not scare him away. I didn't press too tightly to him and let him lead with the kisses. His breathing became labored and his hand ran gently down my side, letting his thumb brush along the edge of my breast.

When he finally pulled away from my mouth I whimpered a little. I felt like a harlot kissing a priest, and I wanted to climb under his robe and check out his priesthoods. I had always viewed myself as a pretty conservative girl, but this guy made me feel like I was trying to seduce a silent order.

I let my head fall back onto the sofa and took a very loud breath. We had made progress so I couldn't complain. He went back to watching the movie…the freak, and I went back to wishing I was on the screen.

When it finally ended I stood and turned off the machine and motioned for him to follow me to the bedroom. This time he removed his jeans and slept in his boxers. Maybe if he stayed another week I would get him totally undressed.

I turned to the wall and he moved up against me, just like last night. I'm sure tonight I would be saying, "Do me Edward, do me."

I placed my hand over my mouth just in case, and went to sleep. The next morning when I woke Edward was in the shower. I wanted to join him so badly, but I knew he would insist on an exorcism if I did. I headed into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. When I returned to the bedroom Edward was wearing just a towel.

Wet, naked Edward, oh God, just kill me now.

"How did you sleep?" I asked, to keep him in the room so I could ogle. "I hope I didn't wake you with my talking."

"You were talking to your father," he said. I didn't expect that one.

"Really, are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes, you said, 'I'll come for a visit, dad.'"

I had a flash of brilliance. There was one person in the world that could get conversation out of anyone, Renee Swan. She wouldn't allow Edward to remain closed off with her; she would beat conversation out of him if she had to. I decided to take Edward to Forks for the day. I would call in sick, and play hooky for the first time in my life.

We made the long trip to Forks and luckily I had music to listen to. Edward seemed fascinated by my CD collection and spent most of the drive reading the liner notes and details on the case. When we got close I began telling him about my home town. It was small, boring, and a place I ruled.

Being the police chief's daughter came with some perks and if I couldn't have big breasts, I would take the perks.

I saw my father's cruiser in front of the station and pulled into the lot. "I'll introduce you to my father first."

We walked inside and I ran into my father's waiting arms. I didn't feel almost thirty around my daddy, it was only my mother who seemed fixated on my age…well, and me too.

"Daddy, this is Edward Cullen. He is from Chicago," I said and my father shook his hand aggressively.

"Hello Edward, welcome to our town. I hope Bella invited you to stay at our house?"

"We are only here for the day," I told him.

"Stay for dinner," he said and I nodded in agreement. Edward was stiff as a board and wasn't responding to anything my father was saying. He appeared, well, handicapped. My dad gave him a sideways glance and said, "Does the cat have your tongue boy?"

Edward mumbled for a second and then said clearly, "I bought Bella a painting."

Jesus, was that all he could come up with. I silently begged the powers that be to keep my father from asking the price. There would be no way to explain that away.

My father looked at Edward and then back at me before saying, "One of those paint by the number things?"

Yeah dad, the man I'm kind of dating bought me a kit to keep me occupied since we aren't having sex, only watching others have it on the screen. I took Edward by the arm and pulled him toward the door. "We'll see you later at home," I said and got my geek out of there.

We drove to my house and Edward looked at it with a furrowed brow. I glanced at the white wooden house I was raised in and then back at Edward. "It isn't much but my mother will make you feel welcomed."

"Do you come here often?" he asked, and I didn't have a clue what he was insinuating.

"I come for all the holidays, but I don't take time off from work often," I admitted.

"So this is special?" he asked.

If he meant special like a short bus, yeah, bringing him to my home was special. I got out of the car and he followed me inside. My mother screamed and ran down the stairs to pull me into her arms. She was talking and crying and laughing all at the same time. Poor Edward looked terrified.

"Mom, this is Edward Cullen," I said, and then stood back to let her work her magic.

"Edward, welcome to our home. You are so handsome, Bella you should have told me you were bringing a handsome man home. Where are you from and how did you meet Bella? She is a great cook, did she tell you that? I'm sure she's cooked for you if she is bringing you home."

Edward's eyes grew wider the more Renee talked and his usual pale pallor grew even paler. She pulled his arm to the kitchen and set him across from her in a chair to hear his replies to her questions. Nope, not a sound from my meek man, so my mother took hold of his hand, "Are you shy?" she asked.

"I'm not comfortable with strangers," he said and looked away.

"I'm not a stranger," she laughed. "Hell, we all have dirty drawers to be aired eventually."

Edward grimaced and looked down at my mother's lap as if assuming she had on dirty underwear. I decided to intervene a bit. "Mom, Edward is from Chicago, but he was raised on an island off Brazil."

"Wow," Renee said loudly. "That must have been a romantic way to live. I bet all the little island girls chased you nonstop."

"It was a private island," he said to explain. "I lived with just my mother and father."

"You poor thing," she cried out. "Well, you're part of our family now."

Shit, why did I ever think this would be a good idea?

9

Now I had a brother, because he was considered part of the family. I felt grossed out and mad at myself for bringing him into my crazy world. My mother couldn't get him to open up, so she began telling him my life history, things like I wet the bed until the age of six and believed in Santa until the age of nine.

I wanted to caution my mother that Edward may still believe in Santa, but instead I excused myself and went upstairs to use the restroom. I passed my room on the way back and went inside. I looked at the purple bedspread and the pictures stuck to a bulletin board. I smiled at my girlfriends, Angela who married at 19. Jessica who married at 22, and Lauren who married, divorced and married again.

"You're the prettiest," a voice said from behind me.

I turned to see Edward watching me closely. I held up a picture and said, "My high school girlfriends."

"Do I have to meet them?" he asked in fear.

I laughed loudly and refrained from responding with a, "Hell no." I did consider taking a picture of him. He would look normal in a photograph. If we married I could send out announcements and not invitations. Everyone would think Bella landed a hot man without knowing just how bent he was.

"I'm sorry, you must be miserable meeting so many strangers," I conceded.

My family is not….you'll see," he finally settled with.

We returned to the kitchen and my mom blurted out," So Bella, what do you want for your thirtieth birthday? This one is huge you know."

I KNOW!

I decided at that moment to go to Chicago for my birthday. Edward would never mention it and I could forget about it too. "Edward got me a ticket to Chicago so I'll be gone for my birthday," I told her.

"Get her pregnant," my mother said directly to Edward. "I want a grandbaby."

Oh my God, he was terrified by the idea of possibly meeting my girlfriends and now my mother asked him to knock me up. I had a major brain fart when I came up with the idea of bringing him here. Edward looked like his body was going numb so I pulled out a chair and told him to sit. He quickly obeyed.

"Mom, I'll make dinner," I suggested, but she wouldn't hear of it. We were going to eat at the lodge so the town could see her spinster daughter had a man semi interested in her, but not willing to impregnate her.

"I'm going to give Edward a tour of Forks," I said and motioned for him to come with me, like he was my pet or something. Come Edward, sit Edward, play dead.

I showed him the high school, the grade school, the cemetery, and the park. Tour over. It took all of fifteen minutes so I drove to a small meadow I would come to with my friends to smoke and drink. I didn't tell Edward that, he would most likely hold a crucifix in front of his body if I did.

We walked over to a fallen log and sat down. "This is really pretty," he said.

"It would make a great painting," I said as I stared at the wildflowers dotting the landscape.

"Would you like me to paint it for you?" he asked and I turned to look at him, dumbstruck.

"You paint?" I asked, because with all the conversation I was squeezing out of him, he never offered that little nugget.

"Yes, I'm an artist," he said nonchalantly.

"I thought you worked for a recording studio?"

"Yes," he said.

"Would you please freaking explain," I said through clenched teeth and wanted to use a different F word.

"I've never been to school, ever," he said sadly. "My mother home schooled me, so I can't go to a university. I'm just naturally good at some things."

"Did you learn stuff from your father's books?" I asked without using the D word.

He smiled a crooked smile and looked down at his feet before saying, "My father patented the series, he didn't write all the books."

I had to admit I was becoming more and more curious about Edward's family. I just had to see the world he came from, because it was beyond my imagination. I decided to share a bit of my childhood, since he had no idea what public school was like.

"I feel in love for the first time at the age of ten," I began. "The boy next door was sixteen and he would undress and flex his muscles in the mirror before taking a shower. He never closed his curtains," I laughed.

"That's disgusting," Edward said softly.

"It answered a lot of questions for me," I admitted with a chuckle and he frowned at me. "Come on, I didn't have brothers. Don't tell me you never snuck a peek at a porn magazine to see a naked woman."

He turned red and finally shared a memory with me. "My parents sent me to see Emmett when I was fourteen. Emmett showed me some pictures, but not from a magazine, on a computer."

"Do you think women are beautiful?" I asked and his blush deepened.

"I think you are beautiful," he said softly.

"I have small breasts," I admitted, since it wasn't like he would ever have the desire to find out for himself.

"They're perfect," he lied.

He complimented my biggest imperfection and made them an asset. I would have bought it if he agreed but admitted I had a great butt, but he lied about my chest and now I didn't know if I could ever trust him.

"You're a liar," I said emphatically.

His head snapped up and he looked right at my barely perceptual boobs. "I'm not lying. Your body is natural and that is what makes it so perfect. It is you, and you are perfect."

A huge clap of thunder sounded in the distance as if God was warning him about the blasphemy he was committing.

"I think that is our clue to head back to my house," I said and stood.

Edward surprised me by standing and taking my face in his hands. He didn't say anything but leaned over and gave me two quick kisses. Did he not realize how delicious his tongue was? God, I wish he would use the damn thing.

We got to the car before the rain began and drove home to meet up with my parents. We got to the lodge and I told everyone we had to eat quickly to make it back to Seattle before it grew too late. My mother did most of the talking throughout dinner. My father stared at Edward as if trying to figure out what crime he was hiding. I ate silently, like Edward.

"Are you sure you can't spend the night," my mother said, as we got ready to leave. "We don't mind if you sleep in Bella's room."

"I haven't touched your daughter inappropriately," he announced. My father became much happier but my mother looked like she was going to cry. When your thirty year old daughter can't get a man to touch her inappropriately, what hope was there of becoming a grandmother?

"We have to go," I said and started the car. My father shook Edward's hand and gave me a kiss. My mother kissed us both and poor Edward waited for her to pull her head out of the car and then wiped his face with the back of his hand.

We drove out of town and the silence was maddening. I came up with a game to get to know him a bit better. "Have you ever played twenty questions?"

"No," he announced, I was not surprised.

"Okay, we won't play the game. We'll just ask each other twenty questions. I'll go first. One, what is your full name?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen, Jr."

"Two, when is your birthday?"

"June 20."

"Three, favorite color?

"Blue."

"Four, favorite activity?"

He paused for a second and looked at the window as he said, "Kissing you."

WTF, he acted like it was a chore not his favorite thing to do. Well, hot damn, we were getting somewhere.

"Five, did you have a pet?"

"No."

"Never?" I asked.

"Is that six?"

I took a deep breath before getting back to the questions. "Seven, what is the worst thing you've ever done?"

"I told someone their voice was okay. It wasn't and I shouldn't have lied."

Well at least he didn't say it was the lie about my boobs. I hope he forgets the question and doesn't make me answer the same thing.

"Eight, what was your favorite Christmas present?"

"I don't get presents," he said and I gasped loudly.

"Oh, wait, are you Jewish?"

"No, that was nine."

Good God, he counted every question so I better watch my words. "Ten, why don't you get gifts?"

"I have what I want or need."

"But as….eleven, did you get gifts as a small child?"

"No."

I thought for a moment and felt my heart aching for little Edward. I had the urge to go buy him all the toys he missed out on and make him sit on Santa's lap. Or maybe have him dress as Santa and let me sit on his lap. I was deep in my Santa fantasy when he asked, "Are you done?"

"Oh, sorry," I said and got back to the game. "Twelve, have you ever been in a fight?"

"Yes," he said and didn't elaborate.

"Thirteen, with who?"

"Emmett, many times."

"Arguing or hitting each other?"

"Both, that was fourteen," he announced and now I wanted to punch him.

"Fifteen, do you ever think about moving out of your parents home?"

"Yes, often," he said, and I knew adding an extra word to the sentence must mean he really, really thought about it often.

"Sixteen, who is your best friend?"

"Emmett."

It made me cringe to hear his cousin who lived thousands of miles away was his best friend, but it was also sweet that he considered his cousin his best friend. I began to see just how sweet and fragile Edward was and it made me care for him even more. But I still wanted to normalize him a bit.

"Seventeen, what is your favorite junk food?"

"Pistachios," he said without much thought. I decided right then I would bring a big bag with me to Chicago. It wasn't an expensive painting, but it would show I paid attention.

"Eighteen, blondes or brunettes?" I laughed as I asked the question because I didn't expect him to say blondes with me sitting right there, but Edward wasn't worried about hurting anyone's feelings so you never know.

"I like dark hair with soft highlights, which flows to the middle of a woman's back. I've dreamed of that for years."

I looked at him with wide eyes and said, "Is that why you like me, because of my hair?"

"That was nineteen," he said, "and no."

Okay smart ass, if you won't say it I'll use it as a question, my final question would be the hardest to answer and the most telling, too. "Twenty, why do you like me?"

He was silent and I wasn't sure if he was thinking up an answer or ready to tell me he didn't like me and I was assuming too much. I waited as my heart beat furiously and prepared myself for an answer that would sting my pride or worse yet, make me want to leave him for dead in the forest.

He shook his head back and forth for a minute and finally spoke as he kept his head down. "Bella, I don't deserve someone like you. I know I am weird and awkward. I hear what people say about me, but you treat me like I'm here. Like you see me and notice me. You're different."

I opened my mouth to tell him he only needed to open up a bit to let others see him too, but he continued talking so I kept quiet.

"I feel like I have been waiting for you, I've dreamed of you, and I've longed for you. I finally found you."

Tears filled my eyes and I could hardly see the road. This discomfited man just said the most romantic thing I have ever heard. And it had nothing to do with turning thirty and reaching for something to sound romantic. It would have been romantic at any age. Now if he would just let me see him naked!

"Your turn to ask questions," I announced with a smile.


	4. Chapter 10 thru 12

I wasn't sure what to expect from his questions. I assumed he would repeat the ones I had asked and we would know surface things like birthdays and favorite colors. But Edward doesn't do anything like normal people and his questions blew me away.

He took a few minutes to organize his thoughts and then turned in his seat to face me and asked, "One, do you believe in God?"

What the hell? I suddenly wanted to redo all of my questions. "I guess," I answered. "I mean I wasn't raised in any certain religion, but yeah, I believe."

"Two, do you believe in hell?"

"Um…I don't know. I don't fear it or think one wrong move will damn me."

He stared for a moment and then asked, "Three, do you think men are superior to women?"

I laughed very loudly and had to work extremely hard to get my answer out. "No, I don't. In fact I believe women are superior in every way."

His brow furrowed and he bit the side of his lip but moved on to the next question. "Four, do you think you are old?"

_Bite me you freak of nature_, I thought in my head. What kind of question was that? My emotional pendulum swung back and forth with a simple conversation with him. I loved him in one moment and hated him in the next.

"Society thinks I'm old," I said without admitting I did too.

"Five, why do you have erotic movies?"

Okay, he just crossed a line. I had a huge movie collection and it was him picking the erotic ones, not me. Sure I bought them, because come on, a girl gets horny at times and a good movie could release the tension, but it wasn't like I had a cabinet full of porn.

"I have a lot of movies, you seem obsessed with the nasty ones," I said angrily.

"You watch them with me," he pointed out and I turned to glare at him.

"I didn't hear a question in there asswipe."

"Six, why do you watch them with me?"

"Fuck you Cullen," I yelled and his eyes almost popped out of his head. Yeah, that's right; I used the mother of all curse words in front of his delicate ears. I didn't like him insinuating there was something wrong with me. I was being a good hostess by watching the movies he picked, did he expect me to gasp and close my eyes?

"Are you mad at me?" he asked innocently.

"That's seven," I said, and wished I had never brought up this stupid game. He was going so much deeper than I had and it was making me uncomfortable. He turned his body back to facing forward and didn't ask another question. I felt childish and finally said, "Go ahead and finish."

"I don't want to play. You're mad," he said and we were both acting spoiled.

"I'm not mad," I said and then quickly corrected my words. "I'm mad a little, but I asked general questions and you are asking philosophical ones. It makes me feel stupid or like you are judging me."

"Do you like that other man?" he asked and I was about to point out he didn't count first, but I think he was opening up and asking a question that made him feel vulnerable.

"Are you talking about Jacob Black?" I asked and he nodded.

"I don't know him very well, but he seems nice and easy going," I answered honestly. I let loose with a little vulnerability myself. "Edward, I want a husband and a family. I'm not getting any younger and I don't have time to waste on a guy who is not emotionally available. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"You have time," he muttered and I shook my head as I sighed. I think he just told me a relationship with him would be long and drawn out. I wasn't sure I had the energy for that.

We drove in silence the rest of the way and never finished our question game. He followed behind me to the apartment and when we got to the door he said, "I'll call Emmett to come get me if you like?"

"Tomorrow's your last day here," I pointed out and he nodded. "I'd like you to stay."

This time when we got into bed I turned to face him instead of the wall. He didn't move up to me but stared into my eyes from his own pillow. I placed my hand on top of his and then slowly let it move to his bare chest. "I have erotic movies because I don't have a man in my life," I admitted in just a whisper. "I watch them with you because I hope you will want me."

"I do want you," he replied in his own hushed voice. "But not ugly like that. Do you have any idea how wonderful you are?"

He had to be an alien. Most men didn't think of sex between two adults who just met as ugly, but the way he said it made it appear ugly to me for the first time. He was an anomaly and it would take time to get used to it.

I smiled and he smiled back at me. "I'm glad you stayed tonight."

"I'm going to miss you," he said. The thought of talking to him on the phone made me shudder. I could imagine all my minutes being eaten up by his silence. Maybe email would work better for us.

"Do you have an email you can give me so I can write to you?" He nodded and his smile softened into a sad expression. "Tell me about Chicago," I suggested, keeping him from sinking into depression.

"It is big," he said and I laughed. "There are tons of people, but I feel more alone there than on the island."

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"But you're coming," he said with a big smile. I felt awful for using him to forget my birthday. I hadn't given one thought to how happy it would make him to have someone come to see him.

"Yes, I'm coming and I'm counting the days," I admitted.

He gave me a few sweet kisses, nothing anywhere close to what my body wanted. But I was grateful for the little he was willing to offer. We fell asleep facing each other for the first time, and it felt intimately nice.

My alarm woke me up and Edward rubbed his eyes harshly. "I'll make coffee," I offered and moved to climb over him. Well good morning mister. Somebody was excited for the new day!

I froze as I hovered over him and he moved his hands to look at me. I slowly lowered my body onto his and continued to watch his expression. It went from afraid, to bliss, and then back to cautious. "I just want to kiss you good morning," I lied and moved slowly toward his lips.

He raised his head to meet mine and we kissed very softly as my body screamed to grind against him. My patience was rewarded by his hands coming to my face and then rolling me onto my back. I kept my legs wrapped around him and his gentle kisses escalated. He was actually acting like a normal man for once and it gave me hope.

He kissed slowly down my chin and onto my neck, causing me to moan in pleasure. His tongue trailed lightly from my neck to my chest and then he suddenly pulled away. I wanted to scream and beg him to return to his previous activity. 'Please kiss me," I pleaded.

His mouth returned to mine and I could feel the heat of his lips matching mine. I tried to keep my body still, but it had a mind of its own and reacted without my permission. My legs tightened and my pelvis rose to meet his.

He moved his hand to my hips and pushed me back down onto the mattress. Without the contact of his body my mouth went into hyper drive. I kissed him passionately and for a few brief moments he responded to me. When we both needed a breath he pulled away and sat up.

"I love kissing you," I said through panting breaths. "You are an amazing kisser."

"I was disrespectful," he said as if angry at himself.

"It isn't disrespectful to show someone how you care," I said and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him from behind. "You made me feel special, thank you."

"Do you have to work today?" he asked. I was tempted to ask him to make me change my mind, but I knew it was never going to happen. If I was going to take time off in two weeks, I couldn't do it now.

"Yes, since I'm coming to Chicago I really need to go in to work."

He nodded and grabbed his jeans and began to dress. I didn't touch him, but I watched like a hawk. His legs were long and thin, but toned. He was very hairy for a fair skinned man and it made me want to see if it carried over to other places, but that would most likely send him home crying. I decided to stop drooling and go make the coffee I had promised.

He followed me to the kitchen and reached out to take my arm when I reached for the coffee. "You get ready, I'll do this," he offered.

Now this felt like what I had expected out of my life; me heading off to work as my man sat home making my coffee. I never fantasized about a guy with a job because I didn't want to get my hopes up by aiming too high.

I showered and dressed before coming back into the kitchen. He handed me a plate with toast and a cup of coffee. I wanted to meet up with him at lunch, but taking the day off yesterday would have me working through lunch today.

"What are you going to do for your last day here?" I asked, and felt my heart tighten at my words.

"I'm going to paint your meadow," he said, and I wanted to demand he strip down this very moment.

I wasn't going off to work as he sat on the couch and watched sports; he was going to paint something for me. I never had a fantasy this good. I really needed to upgrade my fantasy men. 

When I got into work Rose and Alice rushed right into my office. They had knowing smirks and asked at the same time, "Did you deflower him?"

God, that was disrespectful, because I had to say no and it pissed me off. "No, Edward is very conservative," I said, but could hear my own remorse in my words.

"How weird would it be to date a virgin?" Alice asked Rosalie.

"I wouldn't," she said and rolled her eyes. "If a guy won't give it up something is wrong with him."

"Oh there is something absolutely wrong with him," I agreed, "But there is also something so sweet and tender about him. He's painting me a picture today."

"He is so gay," Alice said.

"Artists aren't….I mean not all artists are gay. Rose, is he gay?" I demanded.

"Emmett says he's not, but maybe he just doesn't want his cousin to know and out him to the family," she said and Alice nodded.

"He's not gay," I said emphatically and prayed I was right. "He got me a ticket to Chicago. He wants me to come visit him."

"Wow, and you haven't had sex?" Alice asked; as if my presence alone couldn't possibly be the treat he wanted. "What do you think his angle is….I know, he has an STD and that is why he won't sleep with you."

"Are you and Jasper getting married or just raising a bastard," I asked, and knew when I spoke I was aiming below the belt. Yeah, I was jealous, but she was cutting the only thing close to a relationship I had, so I took a few swipes myself.

I expect Alice to cry or cuss me out, but she laughed and nudged Rose, "Somebody needs to get laid."

"Both of you go away, I have work to do," I said and went back to my faxes, because she was right.

It was almost impossible to work. I kept picturing Edward without a shirt and paint smeared all over his body. The day was dragging by and I was exhausted from trying to think up ways to get a little something from my guy before he left the next morning.

And then there was the date with Jake tomorrow night. I felt a bit sick to my stomach.

11

I headed home to my artist, who couldn't drive and wouldn't get naked. Something was so wrong with this picture. I was anxious to see his work and grabbed a pizza so we could stay in tonight. I knocked on my own door since my hands were full and he opened it with a big smile. His hair was a mess and he had a paintbrush between his teeth.

I handed him the pizza box and the beer and stepped inside my apartment. I froze and looked around in shock. The entire place was covered in wildflowers and small candles. It looked like I had stepped into the meadow filled with stars.

"Oh my God," I said and walked in to look closer.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"Edward, its…." I couldn't finish because I was choking up too much. How could a guy who didn't have a clue about relationships do something so amazing?

He rushed over to turn the canvass around for me to see. I expected to see the meadow clearly, with wildflowers of every color. But he painted abstractly and I moved closer to get a clearer look.

It had soft colors running up and down, blending into one another. Amid the colors was a fine black line moving in opposition to the colors. It met a second line in the middle and they wound loosely around each other.

"What do you see?" he asked hesitantly.

"Us, in the meadow," I replied and he nodded enthusiastically.

"The colors are vertical because they are supposed to be right, but nothing is right," he tried to explain. "It is the thing that doesn't catch your eye at first that is so perfect. Like this room, I don't notice the flowers and the candles, because all I see is you."

Okay, words like that should come with a diamond ring or at least a party pack of condoms. I looked at him with tears streaming down my face. I finally got his meaning. I didn't see the shy, awkward man anymore. I saw just how perfect he was as simply himself.

"I think I'm falling in love with you," I said truthfully.

Holy shit, did I just say that out loud? I met him seven days ago, how could I love a guy who hardly ever spoke. I expected him to run for the door, taking the beer with him, but he continued to stare at me. I moved forward and wrapped my arms around his waist and put my head on his chest. He had spent so much money on the other painting, and I liked his best.

"Thank you for the painting. I love it."

His arms tightened and he placed his cheek on my head and rocked us back and forth. This moment was magical and he added to it by saying extremely softly, "I love you."

My heart dropped and my girly parts tingled. It was the perfect moment for mind blowing sex, but he suddenly pulled away and went to retrieve the pizza. We sat on the couch and ate surrounded by flowers and candles. I should have gotten something much better than pizza, but he didn't seem to mind. I wished more than anything he could stay longer, we were just getting to a comfortable spot and he was leaving.

I desperately wanted to have another DTR and see just exactly where we were. He admitted he loved me and I admitted I was falling in love with him, so why was everything still so off limits. I was deeply in my thoughts when he tapped me on the shoulder. "Is something wrong?"

"No," I smiled, "I was just thinking about us. I know you like to take things slowly, but I don't know if you are morally against sex or just think it has to be at the right time."

I should have kept my big mouth shut because his entire demeanor changed. He sat straighter and his jaw was set tightly as he looked anywhere but at me. I took a big bite of the pizza and chewed angrily to take out my frustrations. So much for the making progress.

"I'll pick a movie," I said and walked over to my own cabinet. I wasn't about to be accused of being a nymphomaniac just because I watched a movie with him. I loaded the movie, P.S. I love you. I needed a good cry and this would guarantee it.

Two hours later I was sobbing in Edward's arms and he never said a word. My grief for the characters soon moved to my grief at the thought of him leaving. I fisted his shirt in my hand and cried, "I hate that you're leaving tomorrow."

"You'll still come see me, won't you?" he asked.

"Yes, and I'll most likely cry until the moment I see you again," I said emotionally.

His face looked stunned and he shook his head, "No, I don't want to make you sad."

Hum…I wonder if I told him I would indeed be sad if he would consider staying? He could sell paintings on the waterfront and it wouldn't be like I was totally supporting him. Of course one condition would have to be sex. He wasn't freeloading off me without giving me a reason to head off the work with a smile.

He moved the hair out of my face and smiled softly at me. "Go get in bed and I'll put out all the candles." I nodded and headed to my room. Maybe tonight he wouldn't pull away, so I dressed in a nightgown instead of my usual flannels. I sat up against the headboard and waited for him.

He walked into the room and pulled off his shirt before looking up at me. He froze, was that a good sign or bad? I hoped I made him speechless, but he was always speechless. He continued to look at me as he slowly removed his jeans. It was excruciating.

I held out my arms for him, but he remained by the door. The man was a freaking saint and it bugged the hell out of me. "I just want to hold you," I promised, but it was a lie, I wanted to go ape shit on his body. He shut off the light and climbed into bed. I sank down and snuggled up to him and could feel his body shaking. Oh God, I terrified the poor guy because I put on a nightgown. I was so going to hell.

I didn't speak and I didn't try to kiss him. I remained perfectly still until he calmed. I eventually fell asleep, but I had terrible dreams and tossed throughout the night. Finally he whispered into the darkness, "Bella, are you okay?"

"I'm sorry," I said and moved away from him so he could rest. "I had a bad dream."

"You were talking," he told me and I cringed.

"About what?" I whispered.

"You said you were here so I should take you."

Yep, that sounded about right. I was right there next to him in my sexy nightgown, so get to the taking buddy. "I'm sorry,' I offered instead.

He finally, finally moved over and pulled himself onto my body and settled between my legs. Oh hell yeah, this was what I had been waiting for. He kissed me with a new aggression he had never used before. I felt like I was falling and the sensation was exhilarating.

His large hand covered my small breast, which I am sure he suddenly realized were not perfect, and I let out a loud moan. I couldn't wrap my legs around him because my nightgown was pinned under the weight of his body, so I arched my back to encourage his hand to keep moving. When his tongue moved deeply into my mouth I raised my head to get still closer to him.

I was drowning in him and a sudden thought crossed a lucid part of my brain. Edward wouldn't want to get out of control. It would embarrass him and make him feel like he disrespected me on his last night here. I slowed the kisses and his hand soon moved from my breast.

When he finally cleared enough to look at me I smiled lovingly at him. "I love you," I told him, and was pretty damn proud of myself for controlling my basic urges.

"I curse the island where I only dreamed of you," he said, and it sounded like he was holding back tears.

I really should stop complaining about his lack of speech, because when he did talk he said the most perfect things. We held each other until the sun came up and he finally said the words I dreaded hearing. "I have to go pack my things."

"I'll drive you to Emmett's," I said, but remained securely in his arms.

"I already ordered a cab," he informed me.

"You called while I was asleep?"

"No, I arranged it yesterday." Damn he thought of everything, he just forgot to tell me. It seems to be a habit of his, thinking things in his head and not sharing them.

"Okay, I'm going to be brave and tell you goodbye and I'll see you soon," I announced and sat up. I looked down at him and quickly began to cry. So much for my bravery.

He got up and put on his jeans and shirt before picking up his shoes. I followed him like a puppy to the front room where he sat and put them on. I looked at all the flowers and wondered what I was going to do with them. I planned on saving one for a scrapbook, because I would tell my children this story someday….if he ever got around to sex.

He stood and walked to the door. I followed and resisted the urge to whine and bark after him. "Do you have anything planned for today?" he asked.

My eyes quickly looked away from his. I professed my love for him, and I truly felt that way, but I had a date set up with Jake today. I couldn't put all my eggs in one basket, especially when the basket wouldn't give up its cookies.

"I'm going to enjoy my meadow," I said and made a sweeping gesture at all the flowers.

"They'll enjoy looking at you," he said to pile it on thick. I laughed and shook my head causing him to laugh too. Yeah, he knew he went too far.

We were suddenly right back to awkward. We both stood in front of the door without any idea what to say. He swallowed a couple of times and set his hand on the door knob. I knew I was going to have to be the one to give him a way out, but I hated doing it.

I swung my arms back and forth against my nightgown and took a deep breath. "Well, Edward Cullen, it was nice sleeping with you," I joked. It went over like a lead balloon. Not only did Edward not have sex, but he didn't joke about it either. I wonder exactly when he plans on making his vows as a priest.

"So, you're coming, right?" he asked yet again.

"Yes, I'm coming, I wouldn't miss it for the world," I smiled up at him.

"We'll do something special for your birthday," he offered and I had to resist raising my knee and hitting him squarely in his junk. But I hoped his junk was the special he was offering, so I had to preserve it at all costs.

"I'll email you my flight plans," I said, and he nodded.

"I'll let you know when I arrive home," he said, and again I felt like his mother.

I put my arms around him and said, "I'm glad you came to Seattle."

"I'm glad you finally turned around," he whispered. I knew he was talking about the girl in his dreams that stood by the water's edge. I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't her. She was someone extraordinary and I just had long dark hair.

I raised my head so he could kiss me and it was one of his chaste closed mouthed kisses so it was easy to let go. "Goodbye," I said with a smile.

"Goodbye," he repeated and walked out the door.

I turned and looked around the room. I had to get everything cleared away before my date with Jake tonight. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't remove all the flowers. I decided to leave them, it was a sure fire way to keep myself from bringing Jake home. I couldn't look at his smiling face among all the reminders of Edward.

12

Jake called that afternoon and told me we would be going to the symphony. Yes, I scored another use for the expensive dress. I did my own hair and makeup and made sure to pull it up off my back, so it wouldn't hang long like in Edward's dream.

He showed up in a tux and looked like he belonged on a wedding cake. I want a wedding cake so badly. I just needed the right groom to be up to his ankles in frosting. He whistled loudly and I grinned from ear to ear.

"I'll be the envy of every man in the room," he said as he helped me with my coat.

"And I can pretty much guarantee everyone woman in the room will be staring at you."

We arrived early and drank some champagne and ate hor d'oeuvres. Jake seemed to know everyone in the place and introduced me with pride. He wasn't overbearing, but just friendly with everyone. I was relaxed and having a great time.

During the symphony performance I thought of Edward. I knew he would love the music, at least the technical side of it. Halfway through Jake reached over and took my hand into his. His skin was warm and his large hand engulfed mine. I felt like a child and the thought depressed me.

One man made me feel like his mother and the other one made me feel like his child. I was beginning to hate men. After the concert we walked to Jake's car and he pulled me into his arms before opening the door. Edward had left me hungry with desire, but it wasn't for Jake.

He kissed me sensuously and it felt so wonderful and so wrong at the same time. My mind was screaming Edward's name and my body was telling me the hell with Edward. I was confused and frustrated and wishing I had one of those little electronic things with a cute animal name.

We stopped for a late dinner and Jake was quick to offer me bites of his food. It was so nasty. It was actually just bites of pasta wrapped around a fork, but it felt so nasty. Edward would never offer something he had put into his mouth for me to put into mine. It was tantamount to oral sex and each bite off his fork gave me images of his penis. Edward was turning me into a freak just like him.

I worried about asking Jake up to my apartment. I wasn't sure I would be strong enough to tell him no if he tried anything. I was a sap, I know. But it was partly Edward's fault for making me watch those movies and then keeping his tree trunk to himself.

We arrived at the door and Jake said just the right thing. "I'm going fishing really early in the morning so I will have to end our night here, may I call you again?"

"Yes," I said too quickly out of relief. I wouldn't have to decide anything right now and would be able to return to my apartment as fresh as the undriven snow. Or at least a snow covered road which hadn't been driven in quite some time.

"Have fun fishing," I said and we kissed for a few minutes. I began imagining tire marks on my fresh snow so I pulled away and said good night.

I removed my dress and washed off my makeup before taking my laptop to bed and climbing in. I pulled up my email and found one waiting from Edward.

_Bella,_

_I made it home on time. The flight was ordinary and the drive home uneventful. I miss you,_

_Love, _

_Edward. _

Oh God, he was actually worse at emails than conversation. How could that possibly be? The fish would hear more from Jake than I would hear from a man who supposedly loved me. I hit reply and wrote back to him.

_Edward,_

_I'm glad you made it home safely. I thought of you often tonight as I listened to the symphony play. I wished I knew more about music, it is another thing you will have to teach me. I have the two paintings to keep me company but they just make me miss you even more. I hope you aren't watching inappropriate movies without me….I'm just kidding by the way. _

_Your pillow is empty and there is no warm body to snuggle up with, it is a sad night. I'll make my flight plans tomorrow and send them to you._

_I'll be waiting in your dreams right by the edge of the water,_

_Love,_

_Bella._

I made my way through the junk emails and opened a few to look at the special offers. I was ready to close down my computer when an email arrived from Edward's address. I opened it quickly with a big smile on my face but it wasn't what I was expecting. I read;

_Young woman,_

_This is a family account and I would appreciate it if your candor could be contained for the sake of others reading this email._

_Your cooperation would be appreciated,_

_Esme Cullen_

On the bright side she called me a young woman, but other than that, man she was a bitch. Why in the hell would Edward use a family account to email me? There was no way I was going to Chicago and meet his parents now. They would sew a scarlet letter to my chest and lock me in stocks.

I wrote out an email telling her that her son was a grown ass man and she shouldn't be reading his emails to begin with, but I erased it. I needed some sort of glimpse into the world Edward came from and there was only one place to get it. I needed to speak candidly to Emmett.

I shut off the computer and made plans in my head to go see Rosalie tomorrow. I would make her take me to Emmett's and finally get the truth about the man I was seeing, well seeing just parts of him…and not the good parts.

I had a weird dream where the man in my bed would change from Jake to Edward, back and forth all night. I hope it wasn't prophetic and I would have a revolving door to my bedroom.

I know Sunday's are for lovers and I really wanted Emmett to be in Rose's bed so I could get all my questions answered, but she answered the door in a sweatshirt and boxers so I knew she was alone.

"I need help," I said with the most anxious voice I could use. "You have to take me to Emmett's."

"I'm not talking to that piece of shit," she said angrily and plopped onto her couch.

"You don't have to talk, just tell me how to get there."

"Don't you care what happened?" she asked with wide eyes.

Oh yeah, I should ask about her. God, I was becoming Edward. "Did you guys have a fight?"

"You should see this woman he is training. She is a freaking goddess and he won't drop her," she complained.

I was stunned that Rose would ever feel threatened. Did she not have a mirror? Her breasts were actually perfect, not conceptually perfect like mine, and for what she paid for them they should be.

"You've got to be kidding me? Emmett is bowing to his deity every night in thanksgiving for getting a girl like you," I told her. "A hot gym bunny couldn't take him away from you."

"He said he didn't find her attractive," she said with hope.

"Does he lie to you?" I asked and knew right then it was the wrong question.

"Yes, all men lie," she said and her anger peaked again.

I had to find a way to save the conversation so I added, "Right they lie, so wouldn't he come up with something better if he was interested?"

She thought about it for a moment and then smiled. "Let me change and we'll go to Emmett's."

Whew, that was close; now I just had to keep them off of each other long enough to get the answers I needed. We drove to his house and Rose walked around to the back and pulled out her own key. She let us both inside and we walked down a dark hallway to his bedroom.

There was a small part of me praying he didn't have the chick from the gym in his bed, but when she opened his door he was alone, naked, but alone. I hadn't seen Edward's jewels, but I have now seen his cousins.

Rose walked up to the bed and I remained in the hallway. She spoke sweetly to him and after a few minutes I peeked inside to see them making out. Great, just want I didn't need. I went into the living room and sat down to watch cartoons with a roommate. Half an hour later Rose called me into the bedroom.

They were now both undressed and under the covers. I sat on a stool covered in clothes and asked, "I need information about Edward. Will you answer some questions for me?"

"Yes, he really is that naïve," he laughed.

"What are his parents like?"

"I don't know them very well. Edward came to visit a lot, but his parents never came. My mother was the black sheep of the Masen family and she didn't associate with her sister much."

"Do they force Edward to live with them?" I asked.

"I don't think he is very close to his mother or father," Emmett said as he appeared to be thinking back over the years. Was he kidding? They shared a home and an email address.

"What do you think they would think of me?" I asked and got prepared to hear the bad news.

Emmett shrugged and said, "Edward's an only child, if he likes you I'm sure his parents will like you."

Emmett gave me a whole lot of nothing. Maybe I should email Esme and ask her for the straight scoop. I was certain she would tell me to keep my pillows away from her son's warm body, only in puritan terms. This was looking more and more like a lost cause and I better not blow it with Jake, in case.

I worried that in two weeks time I would no longer want to visit Edward and be stuck with a ticket I didn't want to use. If things worked out with Jake how would I tell him about my preplanned visit with Edward, not like I would be cheating when I went to Chicago, because surely nothing physical would happen.

I returned to the living room to wait for Rose. We drove home and I was getting more and more confused. I missed knowing Edward would be over tonight and I couldn't for the life of my figure out why I was falling for him so deeply.

I looked over at my friend and asked, "Rose, if you had to choose between a great guy and a guy that needed work, who would you choose?"

She laughed and gave me a funny look. "I'm twice divorced because I chose guys that needed work. Don't make my mistake. You can't fix a guy no matter how hard you try; they only become more of an ass as the years go on."

"So why did you agree to marry them if they were asses?"

She sighed loudly and said, "Because you can't dictate to your heart."

It was just how I felt. Jake was perfect and Edward needed fixed, but my heart wouldn't listen. There was only one thing to do, make Edward dump me. I marched into my apartment and pulled up the email. I type quickly before I lost my nerve.

_Esme,_

_I didn't email you, I emailed your son. Stop being nosey and reading his correspondence, so in other words, NO, I WON'T COOPERATE. Tell your son to grow a pair and get his own email address and get back to me._

_And my name is Bella, not young woman, learn it._

_Bella_

I quickly hit send and then shut my laptop and ran from the room. I did it alright. I lost a guy who my heart loved for a guy my head said was better. My hands were shaking and I couldn't believe what I had just done. I paced back and forth as I tried to calm down. This is exactly why I am single and turning thirty with only so many good eggs left.

I needed to put all my effort into landing Jake. It sounded so crass, but I was turning thirty so I didn't have time to be diplomatic. The next time I heard from Jake I would make sure he knew he was invited to stay the night. Maybe a Christmas wedding would be plausible?


	5. Chapter 13 thru 15

13

I didn't turn on my computer again for the rest of the day. I got out my cookbooks and looked up recipes for fish. If Jake was a fisherman, I would become a gourmet fish chef. I saw the word flour and it made me think of Flowers. My eyes wandered to my painting and I felt sick to my stomach. I insulted Edward's mother, a shy dependent man who knew nothing of the world and I bitch slapped his mama, I was pure evil.

I sat at my table and began to cry. Was I always this crazy, or was it the fact I had two men interested in me and that alone turned me loony. I walked to my bedroom and got my computer. I was holding my breath when I pulled up my email. I had a response from Edward's address. It took me twenty minutes to come up with the nerve to open it.

I planned on saying Emmett did it as a joke, surely his aunt couldn't hold a grudge against her own sister's kid. I opened the email and read;

_Bella, _

_You gave me a chuckle today. I will make sure Edward gets his own email. He's never had a reason for it before. Accept my apologies on behalf of my wife, and this will remain our little secret._

_Sincerely, _

_Carlisle Cullen_

I loved Edward's father. I couldn't repay him for his kindness and had no idea how to respond, so I didn't. I had another email from an address I didn't recognize and opened it to find it was from Edward. I instantly felt guilty for planning my future with Jake. I would refuse to ever cook fish again.

I opened the message.

_Bella, _

_I hope you got my email and I didn't mistakenly get the wrong address. My day has been void of all reason, love. It is you I need to find purpose. My arms reach out and find nothing in the darkness, my ears listen for your soft words and hear nothing, and my painting is dark and hopeless._

_Email me soon and give me a reason to hope._

_Love,_

_Edward._

This had serial killer or stalker written all over it, and I didn't care. It was amazing how easily he turned my knees to mush and I felt awful to staying away from the computer all day. I quickly sent him a response.

_Edward,_

_I spent time with Emmett and Rose today. He was not the family member I wanted to see. Your flowers are here to taunt me and make me dream of holding you. I look at your painting and feel your brush against my flesh. I miss you terribly and hope these next two weeks go by quickly._

_Love,_

_Bella_

I looked at the fish recipes and realized how bi polar I had become. One moment I wanted Jake and the next I wanted Edward. In reality I wanted whoever wanted me. I couldn't afford to be picky with the big three- oh rushing right for me.

I took a long bath and a big dose of cold medicine before turning in for the night. I was happy I had work the next morning. It gave me something to concentrate on besides my messed up love life. I was retrieving my faxes when Alice called me into her office.

"You look shitty," she said to insult me as only friends can.

"I feel shitty,' I admitted. "My guy is gone and my other guy is here."

"What other guy?" she asked.

"Mike set me up with a friend," I explained and her eyes popped open wide.

"You better make it good with that guy; Mike will fire you if you insult his friend."

I hadn't thought about that angle. Now my job was in jeopardy. I was too stupid to marry and collapsed into her visitor's chair. Mike walked by and smiled at me.

"I went fishing with Jake. He really likes you," he said, and I clapped as if I was happy. I was happy; I just wasn't sure how happy I was. Maybe I could marry two guys and travel back and forth between them. Edward could say romantic things and paint me pictures and Jake could have sex with me and take me to great places.

I was so screwed.

"Do you like the name Burgess?" Alice asked.

"For what?"

"A baby boy," she explained and I gasped loudly.

"God no, don't you dare let Jasper do that to a kid. Everyone will call him booger," I said and stood to leave her office. She sat in deep thought and ignored me. Rose and Alice had their own problems and I couldn't expect them to take on mine too.

I sat down with my faxes and my phone rang. I answered to find Jake calling. "How was fishing?" I asked and felt my face pull into a smile.

"Very successful, how was your Sunday?" he asked in return.

"A bit psychotic," I said, because I was crazy all day. I saw Emmett's junk, broke up with Edward's mother, got back with his father and planned my future with both Edward and Jake, I would call that psychotic.

He laughed and said, "You'll have to share it with me."

I doubt that will happen. I wasn't about to admit what I was going through to him. It would be the end of a possible marriage. Never.

"You'll have to share your catch with me," I said and he quickly agreed. We made arrangements for me to cook him one of my fish recipes this weekend and then we hung up. I let my head fall onto the desk and thought about Edward. I did something I had never done before at work. I logged into my private email account. There was a message from Edward.

_Bella,_

_I can't concentrate on work. Every sound drives me crazy because it is not your voice, your laughter or your words. I need to see you._

_Love,_

_Edward_

Son of a biscuit, he had been gone for two days and we were already rethinking the two week wait. I hadn't made flight plans yet, and it would be easy to move things up to this weekend, but I had plans with Jake this weekend.

I knew seeing Edward meant awkward silences, a humiliating scene with his mother and father, and most importantly no sex. Why would I want to rush that when I could be eating fresh fish with Jake, and actually having sex? Oh God, my life was a mess.

I hit replay and said….

_Edward,_

_We need to be sensible. It is only two weeks and then we can be together without worry of work or obligations. I'll send you flight plans tonight. Get back to work and remember to be honest about the quality of voices. _

_I'll be thinking of you all day._

_Love,_

_Bella_

I needed something to keep my mind off of my predicament. I decided to go by the mall on the way home and do some shopping. I didn't have anything specific to shop for and I had no idea how I ended up in a certain shop, but here I was standing in front of a wall of mirrors in a wedding dress.

I only wanted to look at them, how did I end up dressed in white and staring back at my reflection? I was beyond pathetic, but this dress looked incredible on me. My small chest looked large and my thin hips really rocked the long train. All I was missing was the groom. Yeah, a pretty big oversight but I was working on that particular element.

I got home after deciding on two possible dresses I would probably never need. I skipped dinner and took a hot bath before looking at my emails. This time Edward left a phone number and asked me to call him. Oh no, awkward pauses over the miles wouldn't be endearing, it would be excruciating.

I looked at my clock and saw it was close to eleven in Chicago. I picked up my phone and called his number. The phone stopped ringing but I didn't hear anyone answer. Please tell me he can say hello and isn't waiting for me to speak!

I could hear him walking and he finally said, "Bella?"

"Yeah, is this a bad time?" I asked.

"No," he replied.

I tapped my nails on the computer keyboard as I waited for him to talk.

He was breathing loudly as if he was climbing stairs or something. He finally asked, "Do you like crème brulee?"

"Yeah," I answered and really hoped it wasn't the sole reason he wanted me to call.

"It can be runny at times," he observed and I had no idea what he was talking about, but he was trying so I had to give him credit, or maybe it was the memory of my body dressed in white that made me less judgmental.

"How was your day at work, I hope you were able to finally concentrate," I said with a grin.

"Eventually," he said, and at least the word had five syllables.

"Did you get a new email address?" I asked. Yeah, I was playing dumb and hoped daddy didn't rat me out.

"I've never used it before," he said and I wanted to jump on his lap and promise to email him ten times a day. Who never gets email? My spam alone could keep me happy for years.

"What is the weather like in Chicago?" I asked when I could easily look it up online. I was desperate for conversation and if I had to digress into talking about the weather, I would do it.

"It isn't too cold yet."

"Should I bring a coat?" I asked, and wanted to ask if he would be willing to keep me warm if I left it behind, but who knew if mommy was on the other line or not.

"If you like," he said and I fell back onto my bed in frustration.

"I'll bring one in case," I suggested and he remained quiet. "Edward, what are you thinking about right now? What is rattling around in your head?"

"I want to paint you," he said softly and I sighed.

"I would like that," I admitted.

I stared up at my ceiling and noticed for the first time all the swirls in the texture. I lost focus for a moment as I followed a line across the room. Edward remained quiet and I took a deep breath. I searched for something relevant to say and finally settled with, "I asked Emmett about you."

"Why?"

"I just wanted to know more about you," I lied; it was his mother I wanted information on.

"I'm not sure….I mean, Emmett is…"

"Pedantic, yeah, I know," I finished for him. "I went with Rose to his house and he was naked in his bed. It was so embarrassing,' I laughed but Edward didn't laugh with me. He was quiet, big shock.

"Edward?"

"Did you see him?" he asked in a soft voice that made me smack my head for bringing up the subject.

"We've watched movies with nudity," I said to remind him. "I'm turning thirty, not thirteen."

The last part was an unnecessary dig, but I wasn't going to let him make me feel like a degenerate for seeing a nude man, some of the greatest works of art were nudes…I think.

"It bothers me," he said and although it was a ridiculous comment I felt like he was opening up a bit.

"Just think how I felt, I had to see his junk," I laughed loudly. Maybe it was his massive muscles that made normal things appear smaller, but I had to admit I wasn't that impressed.

"Junk? I thought you saw his body?" He sounded relieved and I really wished he had a decoder ring now.

"It is really late there, I better let you get to bed," I said to end the torture.

I heard him yawn and then he said, "I'm not sleeping well. I think about you too much."

I really hope he was having hot dreams about our reunion and actually planned to put a few of them into action. As excruciating as it was I heard myself saying, "You can call me at any time. If you can't sleep, call me."

Again I was met with nothing but silence. I wondered if he actually fell asleep. "I'll make my reservations and email you the details," I said to finally end the conversation.

"Okay, sleep well my love," he said, like a turn of the century lover.

I wasn't so puritanical. "I wish you were here to touch my great butt," I said with a laugh.

"I'm sorry," he said softly and I growled angrily.

"Edward, I want you to feel my butt, I like it when you feel my butt, and you can feel it whenever you want."

I had just crossed the line between desperate to deranged.

14

I had sunk to a new low. I was trying on bridal gowns, begging men to touch me, and falling behind on my faxes. One night I would dream of Edward and the next night of Jake. I was a dream whore. The week was passing quickly and I had to come up with some way to spend time with Jake without ending up in bed.

I finally came up with a plan and ran to Alice's office. I shut the door so Rose couldn't hear and turned to see her looking pale and nauseous. "Alice, you and Jasper are invited to my place Saturday night for dinner, nothing fancy, just a fish fry."

She stuck her arm out for me to stop talking and put her forehead on the desk. "Don't mention food, especially fish."

"Please come, I need you there. And you must promise not to leave until Jake has left," I added.

"Why?" she asked with a groan.

"I'm afraid I'll sleep with him, and I can't let that happen until I choose which guy I want." It sounded like my social calendar was loaded with men, but in reality I had two with possibilities and I couldn't make the wrong decision, my mother's desire for grandchildren depended on it.

"What time?"

"Six, will you come?" I asked with hope.

"Yeah, we'll come."

"Alice, you're the best friend a girl could have, do you want some tea or something?" I asked since she was willing to do something for me.

"Tea would be great," she murmured.

I rushed downstairs and across the street to a small café and got her a cup of tea. Hopefully someday soon someone would be bringing me tea to keep my morning sickness at bay. Of course with my old eggs the child is destined to be less than intelligent. Hum…maybe Edward's mother is really old and his awkward social skills are due to the less than perfect egg he formed from. It was food for thought.

I was feeling much better about the dinner tomorrow until Jake called me at work. I kind of hoped he was going to bail on me, but I also hoped he was calling to inform me he had his toothbrush packed. "Bella, my father and sisters surprised me with a visit. Do you mind if we move the fish dinner to my place?"

"You can bring them along to my apartment," I suggested. "I don't mind, and I have some friends coming too."

"Are you sure, it would be three more people?" he asked kindly.

"I don't mind at all, please bring them." I decided it would be a good time to practice impressing family members, I needed to be at the top of my game for the freaks Edward called parents. Especially after talking about his warm body to his mother and then letting his father see my bitchy side so soon.

I stopped by the market on my way home and got all the ingredient I would need and some white wine. I spent the evening making an apple pie for desert and didn't open my email until I got into bed late that night. I knew Edward would be asleep and opened the message I got from him.

_Bella,_

_I have a client in town next weekend to work on a remix of one song. I will have to work on Sunday. I hope it won't keep you from coming. I never noticed the length of an hour until I met you. It moves slowly when you are gone and too quickly when you are in my arms._

_Love,_

_Edward. _

This was actually a good thing, if he really had a job I could verify it by watching him work. It wouldn't keep me from coming; it would keep me from carrying the conversation for an afternoon. I quickly replied.

_Edward,_

_I would love to see you work, if it is allowed. Just think, this time next week I will be asleep in your arms. The thought excites me and makes me anxious for time to speed up. _

_I will see you soon, and not simply in my dreams._

_Love,_

_Bella_

Shortly after hitting send my phone rang. I was shocked to see it was Edward since it was the middle of the night in Chicago. I answered and said, "You should be asleep."

"Your email told me you were awake," he admitted.

"Why are you awake?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Bella, I'm worried about your visit," he said, and it was a struggle to get the words out. I assumed he worried about us getting too physical but he continued to really upset me. "My family is…different. You'll have your own room."

Great, I was coming all that way to sleep by myself. I sighed loudly and said with anger, "Edward, you are a man for God's sake."

He was quiet for a few moments and then said, "God, I need you so badly." His voice sounded desperate and decisive. I wasn't sure if he was talking about needing my body or just needing someone to interact with.

"I'll be there before you know it," I said as I closed my eyes and ached for him.

Again there was nothing but silence. He finally whispered, "Bella, I have to go. I'll talk to you later, bye."

He hung up without letting me respond and I stared at the phone awestruck. Did his mommy catch him using the phone after hours? I had never met the woman but I already hated her. This weekend had disaster written all over it.

I finally went to sleep and woke up late the next morning. I cleaned my apartment and made some salads for us to eat with the fish. I took a bath and dressed in jeans and a little jacket to hide my imperfect chest.

Jake showed up right on time with his two sisters and his father. They were loud and friendly, making me feel like one of the family right from the start. Alice and Jasper showed up fifteen minutes late and Alice looked horrible. She had to step out onto the balcony often due to the smell of frying fish.

Dinner was great and everyone complimented my newly found fish cooking skills. Jake touched me throughout dinner with gentle caresses and winked at me often. I felt like a princess and even considered a wedding dress with a big ball gown type skirt.

I liked Billy Black. He was a funny man with a loud laugh. I knew my father would like him too. We talked about his work as an officer and laughed when he shared funny stories about Jake growing up. The more wine I drank the more receptive to Jake I became. I finally ended up sitting on his lap and talking softly to only him. His hand would wander down my great butt and I considered inviting him to spend the night.

At eleven he said they should get going and Alice breathed a loud sigh of relief. She was still looking a bit pale and I knew she wanted out of there quickly. I walked them all to the parking garage and Jake pulled me into his arms.

"I can tell my father adores you," he said and I smiled widely.

"He's a great man, I like him too."

"Can I have you at my place for dinner next weekend?" he asked, and he didn't need to spell it out for me. It was time to go to the next step and he was willing and able to take it.

"I actually leave town next Friday for a long weekend. I'll be back on Tuesday," I told him honestly, I just left out the part about going to see Edward.

"Okay, let's have a drink this week before you go and plan on dinner the following weekend," he suggested.

I nodded and he leaned down and gave me an amazing kiss. It was swoon worthy, but my cockeyed brain went right to Edward. Jake's kisses were nice, but they were nothing like Edward's. His were open and commanding. There was nothing tentative about them.

I watched them drive away and headed back to my apartment to clean up the dinner mess. I had Beatles music playing on my iPod and the song, I Want to Hold Your Hand, made me laugh. It was just so Edward. Only he would find it romantic to simply hold a girls hand.

I sprayed some room deodorant around my apartment to get rid of the fish smell and then showered and got into bed. I pulled up my email and found nothing from Edward. I felt my stomach drop. He had emailed me every night and this was the first time he had skipped. Maybe he found out about Jake, but how?

I grabbed my phone and called Alice. "Did you tell Rosalie about Jake?" I asked without saying hello.

"No, why?" she asked.

"Do you think Mike said something?"

"He could have, why, did Edward find out you're seeing another man?"

Her words cut like a knife. I was trying to decide which man would want me and didn't realize I could lose them both in the process. Jake was easier to be with and I really liked his family, we had a lot in common. But Edward had my heart wrapped tightly around his fingers and the thought of blowing it sickened me. I had to do the grown up thing and call him.

I hung up from Alice and dialed Edward's number with shaking hands. A woman answered and I stupidly hung up. What in the hell was wrong with me? Now I felt too ashamed to call back so I sent him an email.

_I haven't heard from you today and I'm worried. I called but a woman answered, so I hung up. It was probably your mother but I didn't want to assume anything. I had a busy day. I invited some friends over for dinner. Oh yeah, remember Jake, the man who bought us a drink? He came with his father and sisters. Jasper and Alice, who I work with, came too. It was a fun night but I'm glad it is over. I miss you and hope everything is going well._

I read my words over and over again to make sure they sounded genuine and like Jake was simply a friend. I didn't know if I was settling Edward's mind or bringing up things to worry about, but I was quickly becoming a basket case.

I waited for over an hour for him to respond and finally turned off the computer and fell asleep. If I didn't hear from him by tomorrow afternoon I was going to call repeatedly and crash his in box with emails. I had tried on wedding gowns, so I was just crazy enough to do it, too.

I slept in and when my eyes finally opened I looked at my clock to see it was ten. I jumped up and grabbed my laptop. The few minutes it took to boot and bring up the email drove me insane. People's lives hung in the balance…couldn't we make technology run even faster?

My heart skipped a beat when I saw an email from Edward. I opened it quickly and read;

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry to worry you. I escorted my mother on a shopping trip and was gone longer than I anticipated. Jake… I don't know what to say. Please don't turn your back to me again, I couldn't look at you from behind after knowing you possess the face I love. _

_Love,_

_Edward_

I clutched my chest as I read his words. Admitting he didn't know what to say wasn't a shock, but asking me not to turn my back hurt deeply. We desperately needed a DTR, and one that was specific about seeing each other regularly and nakedly.

I wanted to offer him some sort of commitment without putting myself out there too much. I thought about how to respond and finally hit reply and began to type.

_Edward,_

_To escort your mother on a shopping trip firmly places you in the Saint category. You are such a wonderful son._

_There is nothing to say regarding Jake. He is a nice man and a friend of my boss. If my back is to you it is because I am searching the waters for a trace of you. All you have to do is call out my name and I will face in your direction._

_Love,_

_Bella_

I got an instant reply that said one word.

_**BELLA**_

15

I was in love with a man who said the most romantic things. He didn't say anything else, but when he spoke his words vibrated from my tonsils to my toes. I was done with my eggs being split between two baskets. I wanted Edward, and Jake just wouldn't do.

I actually put up numbers in my apartment and pulled them down as each day ended and I got closer to seeing Edward. I bought some new clothes and didn't once try to hide my chest. He had called it perfect and even touched it, so there was no more mystery.

I stood at the card rack in the store and tried to find something romantic to say to him, it was plagiarism, but I didn't care. Nothing said what I felt. Hallmark just didn't understand about loving a guy with the social skills of an advanced chimpanzee.

Jake had called to set up a time to join me for a drink, but I told him I wasn't feeling well and needed to rest before my trip. I realize I was still keeping him within arm's reach, but if Edward dropped a bomb on me, like maybe having an incestuous relationship with his mommy, I wanted options.

Friday finally arrived and I walked proudly in my new jeans and with my new suitcase with wheels into the airport. I didn't mind the body scan. There was nothing to see up top and my ass was great, so scan away fellas.

I pretended to read a book on the flight but I was really practicing lines to use when I greeted Edward. My choices ran the gamete from; take me big guy, to hello Mr. Cullen. I decided to go with whatever happened to spill out at the sight of him.

The plane landed at O'Hare airport and then decided to drive around for a freaking hour. Was Chicago in a different state? When we finally pulled into a gate I was bouncing with anticipation. When the plane came to a complete stop I jumped up but it didn't do me any good. Check your damn luggage people!

I waited for everyone to pull their carry ons out of the upper bins and put on their coats and adjust their dicks before they would take a step toward the door. I had a shy man to attack and they acted like I had all the time in the world.

I finally made it off the plane and completed the long trek to the luggage pick up. I looked around for Edward and saw him pacing with his hands in his pocket and his head dropped downward.

"Edward," I screamed from the top of the escalator. Everyone turned to look at me so I clarified and yelled louder, "Edward Cullen."

His head rose and a big smile came across his face. I think I pushed an old woman out of my way, but I didn't hear her hit the ground so I kept going. I ran full speed through the crowd and jumped into Edward's arms. He said….nothing, but I blabbered like an idiot.

When I finally stopped kissing his cheeks and neck and pulled back to look at him he said, "Do you have a bag?" Seriously, was that what he was going to start with?

"I planned on being naked all weekend," I teased and he broke into a sweat. "Of course I have a bag."

I pulled out of his arms and headed to the baggage turnstile. He followed, like advanced chimpanzees are trained to do. I felt his hand resting lightly on my back and it felt heavenly. I pointed out my bag and he took it from the belt and held out his hand for mine. I took his eagerly and held on with both of my hands.

"Did you drive here?" I asked him, since he appeared to be alone.

"I have a driver," he said softly and I was so happy we weren't taking the el train.

He led me to a waiting limo and I gasped loudly. He rented a freaking limo. I hadn't been in a limo since prom, and let's hope this has the same outcome. I climbed in as I giggled and scooted over for Edward to sit next to me. I wrapped my arms around his and put my head on his shoulder.

"I can't believe I can really touch you," I said and squeezed tightly.

He remained quiet but kissed my head. We drove toward the city and Edward pointed out various landmarks. We turned north and then pulled into a long driveway covered with thick foliage. I saw a large old hotel and looked over at Edward.

"You got me a room at a hotel?" I sure hope he planned on staying with me.

He looked out the window and then back at me. "This is my home."

What the hell, I felt my mouth fall open and I looked back at the huge masonry home. This couldn't be a house. It had several wings off the main part and looked cold and temporary.

"Did it used to be a hotel?" I asked.

"No, my grandparents lived her. My mother was raised here," he explained.

"What did your grandfather do for a living?"

"He was a minister," he replied to shock the hell out of me.

I laughed and looked back at the house. "I think Grandpa was stealing from the collection plate."

Edward didn't laugh, yeah, no surprise there. He opened his mouth to say something but decided not to and closed it again. That was progress, I think.

I suddenly felt underdressed and regretting wearing heels to show off my great, touch worthy butt. I wondered if Edward would be willing to get me a hotel, but the car came to a stop and it was too late. My door opened and I climbed out. The driver said, "I'll have your bag deposited in your room, ma'am."

Shit could he tell I was turning thirty? Edward took my hand and pulled me toward the hotel house. I walked purposefully slow so everything could sink in before coming face to face with the good folks from Hester Prynne's small city of Boston.

We entered a huge foyer that had cathedral ceilings with freaking paintings like the Sistine Chapel. I instantly noticed one of a devil with hooves and wondered why that one caught my eye. No wonder Edward never spoke, he lived in a museum with devils watching.

He led me down a hallway into a room with a huge fireplace and a woman sitting behind a small secretary desk writing correspondence to a monetary…or maybe paying bills. She looked up and I saw a glimpse of Edward in her features. Oh God, this was mommy dearest.

She stood and was dressed in a skirt to her knees and a blouse buttoned all the way up, nobody was touching her skin. She wore nylons and sensible shoes, making mine look like something streetwalkers wear. Her body was thin and she had a great figure, Oh God, forgive me for noticing her figure.

"Mother, this is Bella Swan," Edward said nervously.

"Mary will set up your room. If you need anything she'll see to it," the woman replied coldly. I glanced around the empty room and wondered who in the hell was Mary?

"Thank you," I said in fear. I heard a clock ticking loudly, or maybe it was my heart beating out of my chest, but something was making noise. Nobody spoke; we just stood in front of each other until I finally said, "Um…who is Mary?"

Esme walked over to a thick cord and pulled it to make a loud bell sound. A woman dressed in a maid uniform appeared. Did nobody get the memo that we were in the twenty-first century? "Mary, show Bella her accommodations."

Accommodations? I knew this was a damn hotel. I walked behind the small woman who seemed terribly nervous and finally rushed up to walk evenly with her. We sure seemed to be walking a long way, maybe they were placing me in the city and a hallway from their house led there.

"Mary, is my room close to Edward?" I asked quietly.

"No ma'am. You are in the east wing alone, young Mr. Cullen is in the south wing."

Hum…so if I screamed nobody could hear me, way to go Esme. I bet Mary will be commanded to slit my throat as I sleep. I needed to become hard and fast friends with little Mary.

"Can you tell me a little about the Cullens?" I asked her. "They seem….stuffy." It sounded so much better than saying they had sticks up their asses and most likely grafted into their spines.

"Mrs. Cullen is very generous to the community," she said. Yeah, probably by staying away from everyone. That would be downright nice of her. "Mr. Cullen Sr. is very….sociable." Hum…she said that weirdly, as if there was a big secret behind Mr. Cullen Sr.'s sociability.

"Why don't they talk very much?" I asked and hoped she didn't think I was talking too much.

"Old Mr. Masen was a very strict man. He didn't allow his children to be…"

"Normal?" I prodded.

She only smiled and stopped talking. She sat out some towels in the bathroom attached to my room and left. I walked over to look out the window into the dark forest and wished I had gone for a drink with Jake. This was too much weirdness for anyone to deal with.

I unpacked my clothes and changed into less noticeable shoes and then simply waited. Surely Edward would come rescue me, if his mommy allowed him in the East wing. I jumped up quickly when I heard a soft knock. I opened the door with a smile of relief and then froze when I saw it was an older man who looked a lot like Edward.

He was dressed in slacks and a cardigan sweater with an ascot, like he was a freaking gentleman from the eighteen hundreds. His eyes scanned my body and I felt the need to point out my butt, but it creeped me out to see him leer at me.

"You must be Bella," he said and then licked his lips.

And you must be a rapist; I wanted to reply, but simply nodded instead.

He stepped into my room and I instinctively backed up. He was so disturbing, no wonder his wife buttoned all the way up….or maybe it was why he was so disturbing. Either way, the Cullens were the modern day Munsters and I had willingly walked into their dungeon.

"Is Edward around?" I asked as my hands began to shake.

He laughed, like I had told him a joke and looked me up and down again. "You must be a very patient girl," he said, and I would be willing to bet money he was required to register with the local police.

"My father is a police chief," I said quickly, but then I realized it would just cause him to hide my body better.

"Perhaps we'll have the pleasure of meeting him someday," he said with a smirk.

Yeah, when hell freezes over and pigs fly. I heard a noise and looked over to see Edward standing by my door. I actually let out a rushed breath and ran over to him, holding on tightly.

"Your Bella is something special," Carlisle said and Edward nodded.

No, nothing special, totally ordinary and not worth prison time.

"It is time for dinner," Edward said and Carlisle smiled and walked out of my room.

We followed behind and into a room with a huge table. Esme sat on one end and Carlisle on the other. Edward held out a chair for me and then sat directly across from my seat. I put my feet on his to feel some sort of comfort.

Food was brought in by servants and everyone began to eat without speaking at all. I finally said, "This is a beautiful home."

Everyone looked up at me with shocked expressions and then Esme said, "We don't converse during dinner, dear."

I nodded and looked down so Edward wouldn't see the tears forming in my eyes. He asked me if I believed in hell, I could now tell him I absolutely did, because I have now seen it. My heart wanted Edward, but could I take the baggage that came with him? He needed rescued and I wasn't sure I was up to the challenge.

I sipped my soup, like a good spinster would.


	6. Chapter 16 thru 18

16

After dinner coffee was served and it was then everyone seemed to relax. Esme spoke to her husband about a charity dinner and he brought up a holly bush that needed replanted. They went from freaks to the Waltons in the blink of an eye.

I looked at Edward and saw the worry on his face. No wonder I wouldn't turn around in his dream, I was trying to signal a ship to save me off the island. I smiled softly at him and he mouthed something to me.

"What?" I whispered and the whole room became quiet.

"It isn't polite to have a private conversation in front of others," Esme said and Edward seemed to cower. It pissed me off. I was turning thirty damn it. If I wanted to whisper to my guy I had every right to do it.

"I was telling Edward I would like to go for a walk after eating such great food," I said and he grinned at his lap.

"Mother, Father, will you excuse us?" he asked. Why did he ask, he should have just stood up and said a quick bye?

I was tempted to tease them all and say Edward was taking me into the forest to impregnate me, but only Renee would find that funny, and Carlisle would probably ask if he could help.

We walked from the room and Edward helped me into my coat before taking me out the door. I ran a few steps in front of him and then turned around to laugh hysterically. "Oh my God, what was that?" I asked.

"You probably want to leave," he said sadly.

"Ya think? Jesus, where was child protective services to save you?" I said and shook my head adamantly.

"I didn't know," he said in shame. "We lived on the island and I had no idea how different we were."

I walked up to put my arms around him and I held him tightly. "I'm sorry I laughed. It was rude of me."

We walked arm in arm down the long spooky lane and I had so much to say with no idea how to bring up the subject. I was terrified to sleep in that house by myself so I started there. "Edward, the house is huge, may I sleep with you?"

He hesitated for a minute and then said, "I'll come to your room when it's clear."

"Would it be easier if I stayed at a hotel?" Oh please say yes.

He continued in silence and then said, "Probably not."

"Look," I said forcefully. "Is it your religious upbringing that makes you hesitant to have sex with me? I'll understand if you tell me why, but right now it just feels like you don't want me."

He struggled with what to say and finally looked up at the sky and dropped his arm from around me. "I fear God. I don't know why I can't let it go, but I fear him and I fear hell. What if I do something wrong and he takes you away from me? I watched those movies to see if anything would happen, if he would punish me or make you stop liking me. I think he sent Jake to take you from me."

I stared at him in complete shock and finally understood how his mind worked. My eyes shed tears and I tried to come up with something to remove the programming his parents had done to him. I said with a pained voice, "Edward, God wants you to be happy. This isn't happiness for you. You don't hurt people you love, and God loves you."

"I feel like I'm drowning," he said as his own tears formed.

"You are, Edward. But I'm here to save you, take my hand and trust me, please."

He collapsed into my arms and we both lowered to our knees. He tried to cry silently but it soon became loud sobs. I felt overwhelmed and had no idea what I was doing, I just knew I loved him and I had to try to help him find some happiness. "I love you," I told him and he tightened his arms around me. "You are a good person, and God won't take me from you."

He pulled back and kissed me in a whole new way. It was as if all of the passion built up inside of him came pouring out. His hands moved over my body seductively and I pulled his body tightly to mine. My head fell back and he moved to my throat. "Oh God," I called out because what he was doing was heavenly.

"Edward," a voice yelled in shock and he jumped away from me. Esme stood looking down at us with pure disgust on her face. "Go to your room," she instructed and I reached out and grabbed onto his arm.

"Don't you move, Edward," I said.

It was every man's nightmare. He had to anger either his mother or his girlfriend. Momma threatened him with God's vengeance, and I threatened him with the removal of my heavenly body. Poor Edward.

"Son, go to your closet and pray for forgiveness. Ask God to cast the evilness out of you," she said with an almost hysterical voice.

"He did nothing wrong," I yelled loudly. "He kissed a woman he loves. God wants him to find love, it isn't evil."

"You're a heathen," she said hatefully and yeah, I probably was, because I planned to do a lot more than just kiss her son.

"Mother, go back into the house," Edward instructed and she looked at him with wide eyes.

"Don't speak disrespectfully to me," she said harshly.

"He didn't," I yelled. "Disrespect would be if he said to stay the fuck out of his business and go to hell."

Okay, I may have pushed a bit too far with that one. Mommy almost burst her buttons and I think I was going to be forced to bathe in holy water. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and to make things so much worse, degenerate daddy showed up.

"What's going on?" he asked and looked at me on my knees. Gross.

"I want this harlot out of my home," Esme said with a tight voice.

"I'm not a harlot," I yelled, and daddy looked a bit disappointed. "I love Edward, and there is nothing wrong with showing him."

"Maybe we should all get a good night's sleep and discuss things in the morning," Carlisle suggested. There was no way I was returning to that house. Mommy would have me killed and daddy would have me chained in cuffs to the bed.

"I'm staying at a hotel," I said and turned to Edward, "And you're staying with me."

"You daughter of jezebel," Esme cried out and I only shrugged.

"Nope, daughter of Renee and she could give jezebel a run for her money," I laughed. Carlisle laughed too, but Edward remained quiet. "Have Mary pack up my things," I instructed, because I had no intentions of walking back into that museum.

"She is only after your money, son," his mother cried and I looked at Edward with raised eyebrows.

"You have money?"

He nodded and I smiled a bit more. Damn, he had money, way to pick em Bella.

"Esme," Carlisle said and took her by the elbow. "Let the boy make his own choice."

Boy? He was twenty-eight. Yeah, let him make his own choice.

"I blame my sister," Esme said as Carlisle led her away. "I told you she would corrupt him."

When we couldn't hear them anymore I scooted closer to Edward and bent down to make him look into my eyes. I smiled and he returned the gesture. "Come on, let's go corrupt each other."

He tensed and I took hold of his hand. "Edward, I'm not going to make you do anything you are not comfortable doing. I love you, so we can go as slowly as you want."

"I don't deserve you," he whispered.

True dat, but I was here so I wanted to make the best of it.

"Sure you do, you deserve a girl with a great ass," I said and he finally laughed. I threw my arms around him and he held me until the car pulled away from the house. We moved out of the middle of the driveway and climbed into the car.

Edward gave the driver instructions and we went to a hotel in the heart of the city. When the bell hop left the room I shut off the light and ran over to the large window to see the city all in lit up. It was breathtaking, but not as breathtaking as the feel of Edward coming up behind me and moving my hair out of the way to kiss my neck.

I sighed and leaned back against his body. "Don't leave me," he said softly into my ear.

"Never," I said with just a whisper.

His hands flattened against my stomach and then ran sensually down my thighs and around to make their way back up between my legs. This was a professional move coming from a rookie. I was impressed.

I raised my arms to place behind his head and his hands continued moving up my body and under my shirt. I was corrupting him alright, and he was actually being corruptible. This was pretty damn nice.

I finally turned around and let my own hands wander down to touch him. He instantly backed away and I tried to keep my body calm. I pushed him over to the bed and then stood back to remove my clothes. He watched me the entire time and it heightened the whole experience. I stood totally nude in front of him as he looked at my body.

"You're a work of art," he said, and I suddenly hoped he didn't paint me like this. And if he does I hope he is kind and gives me bigger breasts.

His eyes suddenly looked over at the clock and he said, "Two more hours."

What? Did he rent the room by the hour? That is kind of disgusting, and I didn't know expensive hotels allowed that.

"Two hours?" I repeated.

"Until your birthday," he said and I felt like he doused me in cold water. Way to kill the mood by reminding me I'm entering an entire different decade than him.

"Did you have to bring that up," I groaned.

"I have a gift for you," he said with a smile.

I walked over and sat on his lap as I said, "You're my gift, and the ticket to come see you was my gift, you better not get anything else."

Now that I knew he had money I wasn't as forceful with my request as I could have been. If he wanted to throw a bobble my way, I'd catch it. I ran my fingers through his hair and then rested my palm on his cheek. "I can't imagine how lonely you must have been on the island."

"It was paradise and prison all at the same time," he admitted and his eyes looked sad.

"Were you a happy child?" I asked him.

"Maybe…I don't know. It is hard to look back with any objectivity. I think my mother was abused by her father, at least my aunt believes she was. It messes a person up, so I can't really blame her. I loved visiting Emmett and told my parents he liked hearing the words of God, so they would let me visit."

"Edward, I don't think your father….I mean, just how religious is he?"

How do you tell a guy his father is a letch? A religious letch at that.

"I think he tried to make my mother happy. She seemed happy on the island, but things got different after we came here."

I moved off of Edward's lap because it was hard to concentrate when I was concentrating on something hard. I walked around to the other side of the bed and lay down so my head was close to Edward and my impressive butt was proudly displayed.

"So, tell me what you believe. Teach me your beliefs," I prodded him.

"I'm not sure anymore," he said sadly.

"Well, I believe there is a God and he is perfect. So a perfect being wouldn't want to hurt people he loves. He would want us to follow him and that would make us happy. I doubt he waits for us to mess up so he can smite us, because come on; we are always going to mess up. That would make him petty and cruel."

"But if we choose evil we can't live in his presence," Edward said.

"So tell me something evil."

"Not honoring your mother and father," he said very softly and I wanted to smack him. You don't bring up mommy and daddy when a girl was lying naked on a hotel bed.

I rolled over onto my back and looked at the ceiling. "Edward, your mother needs professional help. It isn't honoring her by agreeing with everything she says. And your father needs a big dose of honesty, so don't think pretending to be blind is honoring him either."

We talked, actually talked for a couple of hours and when he looked at the clock again he smiled widely.

"Happy Birthday, love," he said.

"Thanks, jerk," I replied.

He handed me a box and I sat up and pulled the wrapping off. I opened the lid and then gasped loudly. A diamond wouldn't have surprised me, but this sure did. Inside the box was a selection of condoms. It was the best birthday present a religious fanatic could ever give a girl turning thirty.

17

So, was he making a suggestion with the gift, or simply making sure I'm prepared as I spread my wares all over the city? I hated to be too hopeful, but come one, a box of multicolored condoms, it had to mean something.

I looked up at his terrified face and said, "Are these for me or you?"

"For us," he replied.

Hot damn, my boyfriend is becoming a man. I gave him a skeptical glance and said, "You had these with you?"

"I planned to take you to dinner tonight and then here for…well, the present."

Ah, how sweet, he actually planned to fornicate for my birthday. It meant a lot coming from someone with the devil painted on his foyer ceiling.

"If you're not ready for this step, it's okay," I said, and I think I meant it.

"I wasn't sure earlier, but talking to you tonight, man, I can't tell you how great it feels," he admitted.

"Yeah, talking is great, I'm glad you finally gave it a try," I said and rolled my eyes. "Can you imagine how maddening it was for me to wonder what you were thinking constantly?"

"I only had one constant thought," he said.

I had heard that before, that men only thought about one thing, but I didn't really believe it. "What was your one constant thought?" I asked.

"God, don't let me blow this," he said and let his head drop so he wouldn't have to look at me.

He had competed head to head with a man who made all the right moves and came out the winner. Should I tell him? Maybe not. I smiled and pulled a small package out of the box and held it up in my fingers.

He stood and kicked off his shoes and pulled off his shirt. This was good, but nothing I hadn't already seen. He unhooked his belt and pulled off his jeans, better, but more to go. Without any hesitation he removed his boxers and stood in front of me fully nude.

There was no family resemblance to Emmett. Edward got all the good genes. I patted the spot next to me on the bed and he willingly climbed in without any coercion or drugs obscurely placed in his drink.

I straddled on top of him and placed the condom in my teeth. He suddenly looked terrified so I knew I needed to slow down a bit. I leaned over to kiss him very gently. He was tense and tentative. I let him lead and never pushed more than he was willing to go.

After a make out session hotter than anything I had every experienced he finally stepped things up a bit. He reached for the condom I had placed on the bedspread and handed it to me. I would happily do the honors and I would do them as slowly as possible.

He finally grunted, "Hurry," and I began accommodating him. I didn't expect him to last very long, but who was I kidding, I had about a three second window before I lost it myself. But man, what a great three seconds.

Edward yelled out loudly, almost as if he was in pain. Hum…did it hurt men to lose there virginity? He finally collapsed onto me as his entire body erupted into spasm. Oh yeah, he was going to love this feeling. We both were breathing loudly and half laughing and half crying. Sex was insanity, which was the only way to describe it.

We did it; we sinned and lived to tell the tale. I kissed him fervently as he professed his love for me. Sex made men certain of love, for a few minutes at least.

"I just did Edward Cullen," I yelled into the air in laughter.

"Shhh," he said. "God will hear you."

I pulled back to look at him and saw he was teasing, because if God didn't hear my orgasm, he surely didn't hear my pronouncement.

"Happy Birthday," he repeated and I was so glad it was my birthday all day. Can you believe he made turning thirty a happy occasion? I loved him all the more for it.

We fell asleep, because dancing with the devil is exhausting. I slept soundly and didn't see Jake's face once in my dreams. I also couldn't hear my biological clock ticking anymore. Did it mean I found the one, or all my eggs were now used up? Either way, I didn't care.

I woke up the next morning to light filtering into the room and something pressing into my back. I smiled and turned to see Edward ready to get all evil on my ass again. "Good morning," I mumbled as he kissed my chest.

"It is now," he chuckled.

"I've created a monster," I told him. But going from a Munster to a monster was a step forward in my book.

We did the deed again and this time I didn't let him lead. It was 2010, so a woman was allowed to take control and make sure she got what she needed, too. We both lasted longer than three seconds this time so the old adage of practice makes perfect was true.

We showered and dressed, me in clean clothes and Edward in his only clothes, and headed downstairs to eat. I tried to look at all the faces in the restaurant. I wanted them to see me smiling and know I just made my guy a man, and a damn good one at that. I should be a pro…I mean teacher…well, you know what I mean.

I felt so possessive of him. He was mine and nobody else's. Now I know why guys want to marry virgins, I just hope my prom date doesn't feel he still had a say in my life. Maybe the feeling wears off over time.

Edward held a fork out for me to taste his French toast and it made me think of Jake. "Yuk, don't do that," I told him, and stabbed a piece of food off his plate.

"I don't have germs," he said offended.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Think about what I have put in my mouth this morning, do you really think I'm worried about germs?"

He blushed and chuckled to himself. He was so cute, in a manly way. But as with everything in life, all good things must come to an end. We finished eating and sat quietly. I wasn't about to carry the conversation after all the progress he had made. He finally looked up at me and said, "Bella, I have to go home eventually."

Did he? I mean he had money; he could buy all new clothes and come live with me. Sure, he had an entire wing of a mansion and I could only offer him half of my bed, but I would give him all of it if he would let me sleep on top of him.

"What are you going to say to your parents?" I asked, and hoped he didn't want to use the closet to repent.

"I need to do with them what I did with you," he said and my eyes popped open wide. I was positive if God was mad at him for doing it with me he would flip if Edward did it with his parents. He laughed and shook his head, "I need to talk to them."

"Wow, it might be easier to do the other thing," I conceded and he nodded.

"I would like you to be there with me," he said softly.

No, no, oh hell no. "Sure," I smiled. I would let him do all the talking and I would do all the glaring. We walked into the lobby and right past a small jewelry store that had yet to open.

Edward looked in the window and said, "Do you see anything you like, it is still your birthday."

Yeah, I saw wedding bands. I like those!

"I'll take another box of what you already gave me," I teased. I was so stupid; condoms wouldn't make me a mom. I should have asked for a wedding ring!

We got a cab and headed to the Munster home. We both got more and more nervous. I kept looking at Edward's face to see if they would be able to tell he had an orgasm with a woman, and not while soaping up in the shower….if he even knew how to do that.

The cab stopped and we both sat perfectly still. The man turned to look at us both and I wanted to ask him to come with us to have our backs. But with my luck he was a eunuch and would agree with mommy and daddy.

As if heading to our deaths we climbed slowly from the cab and walked hand in hand to the front door. Why would people need two five foot wide doors, did obese people visit them regularly?

We walked in and I looked directly at the devil smiling down on me. "Hey," I said and gave him a light wave.

Little Mary appeared and she rushed over to Edward. "Your mother is in the library."

Oh good, she was returning books, we were in the clear. Edward nodded and began walking down the hallway. He stopped at a room full of books, shit!

We walked in together and saw both of his parents sitting in chairs on opposite sides of the room. They looked up, in Carlisle's case he looked up and down. I shuddered in response, and not a passion induced shudder but from an overabundance of creep factor.

"Son, you've disgraced us," Esme said. I fought the urge to tell her he performed admirably, but I was only there to glare, so I glared my eyes out.

"I think we need to talk as a family," he said softly and I could hear his voice shaking. Come on Edward, man up, you can do this.

"She is not part of this family," Esme said and gave me her own award winning glare.

Okay bitch; rub it in on my thirtieth birthday!

"Bella is here because she is the only one who isn't totally messed up. We need her here," he said adamantly.

Yeah, and I was going to point out Edward wasn't conceived by Immaculate Conception so she must have let the old horn dog touch her skin at least once.

We sat down on a small parlor sofa and Edward began with, "Why don't we go to church?"

What the hell? That wasn't where we needed to start. We needed to move away from sin not jump from the pan into the fire. He spoke one sentence and I already needed to intervene. "Edward, I'm not sure…"

"I have a point," he said and then turned back to his mother. "Granddads church is just down the road, why don't we ever go there?"

"You don't need a building to love God," she said and I noticed how her hands began to shake.

"Did something happen to you in that building?" he pushed.

Her eyes filled with tears and she wrapped her arms around her body tightly. I looked over at Carlisle and he had his fingers over his mouth and was staring off as his own eyes filled. For the first time I saw beyond his perverted actions and saw a man who loved his wife, but he couldn't help her.

"Why did Aunt Emma run away at fifteen?" Edward pushed and Esme clutched her heart.

I felt my own heart pounding wildly and I knew we were in way over our heads. This family needed a professional to help them through these conversations. Esme's secrets were not for my ears to hear and I owed her some dignity.

I put my hand on Edward's and said, "Honey, you need a family counselor and I shouldn't be here." I turned to Esme and said, "I just want you to know I love your son. I think he is an amazing man and you had a hand in that. You should be very proud of him."

I looked over at Carlisle and said, "I suggest you paint the foyer ceiling. She doesn't need that."

He nodded in agreement and Esme covered her eyes as she cried. Edward rose and walked over to pull her into his arms. He was such a loving son, and even though they turned him into a freak he didn't seem to hold a grudge.

I glanced over at Carlisle who probably needed a hug too, but there was no freaking way I was pressing my tiny tits against him. I smiled at him and when he held out his hand I called out for Edward and nodded to his dad. He walked over and gave him a manly hug and pat on the back. Whew, I dodged that sick bullet.

We left his parents alone to work on their own reconnection and went out to celebrate my birthday…clothed.

18

I got a bike when I turned six, I got a car when I turned sixteen, I got chocolate body paint when I turned twenty-six, but so far turning thirty brought the best gift. I had a man who loved me, figuratively and literally. We had some big issues to address, like the fact we lived so far apart, but maybe not today.

He took me to his wing and into a large art studio. "I'm going to paint you," he said, and I wished I still had my chocolate body paint.

I sat on a stool and held perfectly still. Edward laughed and told me to relax. He didn't need a replica of me, he wanted the version he saw in his head. Man, I hope that version has big boobs.

He was jovial and chatty, yeah, that's right, Edward Cullen could sure talk. He said stupid stuff that all men say. He rhymed words and made childish comments. He sang the wrong lyrics to pop songs and insisted they were right. I loved his dorkishness.

After several hours he finished and I rushed over to see the final product. If you hate something a sensitive guy creates, do you tell him? Or just pretend it was wonderful. I took a deep breath and glanced at the painting. It was abstract, so I had to look closer. He got two things perfectly right…a nipple and an eye, the rest was beyond recognition.

"So," I said as I tried to interpret his work. "You want to look at my nipple?"

He laughed, and it wasn't funny. I would show it to him; I just wanted to make sure it was what he wanted to see.

"No," he said and then quickly turned red and said, "Well, yes, but that isn't what the picture means. The eye is the window to your soul. The nipple gives life and sustenance. The colors are warm and soft so they make me feel loved. This is how my heart sees you."

I stared a bit longer and then mumbled, "You have a horny heart."

"I'm keeping this one, it isn't for you," he laughed, and now I know why he got the nipple so accurate.

It was as good a time as any to bring up the elephant in the room, so I asked, "And where will this painting be hanging?"

"In my room," he said and gave me an odd expression.

"And where will your room be?" I pushed.

"I'm two doors down," he said and pointed to the hallway.

Ew, not the answer I wanted to hear. He planned on staying with mommy dearest and daddy dickest. It didn't bode well for the whole; get Bella in a white dress plan.

"When will I ever see you?" I asked softly and refused to look at him. He was quiet, an expertise of his, and I finally had to look up to see what was going on. His face looked tormented; did I do that to him?

"Can I tell you something really personal?" he asked in a hushed voice.

When a girl has licked a certain area of your body, you can tell her personal things. He was such an idiot. I nodded for him to proceed.

"I want to graduate from high school," he admitted.

Oh God, I was thirty and dating a high school guy. Unless my prom dress was white I wouldn't be wearing a white gown anytime soon, but my great ass could really rock a cheerleader outfit.

"You want to go to high school?" I asked with a terrified voice.

"No, not go, just graduate, get my GED and go to college."

God hated me. I screwed his angel and he was punishing me for it. Once Edward hung the nipple painting he would probably desire to start with kindergarten and work his way up to a GED. I was dating Billy Madison!

I smiled, I think. I meant to smile, but who knew what grotesque concoction my face made. He found his balls and it brought his own dreams to life. Dreams totally in contrast to mine.

"Great," I said, and gave a little fist pump.

"I want to study art and start my own graphics company. I want to design music covers and logos," he said enthusiastically. I could feel the passion he felt for his dream and felt a bit jealous. The entire world was opening up for him and I remembered that feeling.

He didn't have old eggs to worry about; his boys would continue to swim clear into his eighties. My great birthday just took a drastic turn for the worse. I felt dirty for banging him into adulthood, well at least collegehood. He was nowhere near ready for parenthood.

I glanced over at the painting and pictured frat boys masturbating to my nipple, it was better than Carlisle doing it, but still.

"What's wrong?" he asked, and I didn't have enough time to list everything.

"Nothing, those are great dreams Edward. You should really go for it."

"Enough about me," he said and set his paintbrush down. "It is your birthday, what do you want to do now?"

"Jump from the Sears Tower," I mumbled and headed out of the studio.

We took a cab back into the city, because my schoolboy can't drive, and walked along Michigan Avenue. We looked in various shops and I grew more and more quiet as the day progressed. I should have left well enough alone and kept him bent. I should have gotten directions to the island and taken him there to keep him from dreaming.

I lost track of him for awhile and waited anxiously for him to find me on the sidewalk. What if he met another woman and with his newfound sexual freedom decided to try a little variety. Now I knew how my prom date was feeling.

"There you are," he called out with a big smile. His arms came around me and I buried my face in his coat. I inhaled sharply, loving the smell of his body and his scent so distinctly male. I wanted to hold on tightly and keep him from growing away from me.

We finished with our window shopping and decided to head back to the hotel. Edward wanted to draw a hot bath in the large Jacuzzi tub and I wanted to drown myself in it. I would do it if the papers wouldn't print my age, but surely they would point out I took my life on my thirtieth birthday and everyone would know why.

So we shared a bath. I sat against his chest with his long legs circled around me and his fingers playing with my hair. "Bella," he murmured.

"Hmmm?"

"Nothing, I just love saying your name," he said and kissed my shoulder.

I wished he loved saying Mrs. Cullen, but he would probably just mean his mother anyway.

"I'm going to miss you," I said, and tried to sound sensual and not like a cry baby.

"I'll visit," he promised, and I closed my eyes tightly.

Jake was really a much better choice for me. He was settled in his career and had a supportive family who loved me, not one that called me a jezebel. He would be ready for kids and our families would easily blend together. I couldn't picture Charlie and Renee with Esme and Carlisle. Someone would end up shot.

Why did my stupid heart want Edward? He was awkward and weird without any education or independence. He couldn't even drive for Christ's sake. He had no idea what his philosophical beliefs were at the moment and didn't even feel the need to get his own place. I had to be smart, and it was going to hurt like hell.

"Remember the question game?" I asked him.

"Yeah."

"Can we play again?"

"Sure, do you want to go first?" he offered.

I nodded since I was the one with the ulterior motive here. "One, do you believe sex is evil now?" I went right for the juggler but I was done pussy footing around.

He thought for a minute and finally answered, "I think it needs to be with someone you truly love, but I don't feel damned for doing it."

That was a good answer; at least I didn't make him feel like Satan's minion. "Two, do you plan on working through things with your family?"

"Yes."

Okay, now I needed to find out if he saw his life without me. "Three, do you plan on living your life in Chicago?"

"Um, I guess," he said, and my heart began to sink.

I had to be certain so I asked further. "Four, are you going to get your GED and go to college here?"

"Yes," he said proudly, having no idea what I was getting at.

"Five," I said as my tears began to spill over my eyes. "Are you going to miss me?"

"We'll see each other often," he said softly, but it didn't offer any comfort.

"You didn't answer the question," I yelled angrily. "Are you going to miss me?"

"Yes," he said in just a whisper.

"Six, do you plan on ever marrying?" There was nothing left to hide. I laid it all out there and I was going to be heart broken or hopeful.

"No," he answered truthfully and I gasped. I splashed the water over the edge as I spun around to look at him. His face was tense and he tried to explain. "I think marriage feels just like the island, like you are trapped. People should be free to love without the church binding them together until they hate each other."

"Your parents don't hate each other, Edward."

"Yes, they do," he said strongly. "My father despises my mother."

"He doesn't understand her pain and it causes his own. Once they work it out you'll see how much love they feel. He would have left long ago if he didn't love her."

"He can't leave; most of the money is my mother's."

"He patented the Dummies series, he must have money."

"It is nothing compared to my mother's money," he said as he shook his head.

"How can you go from being terrified of God, to hating the concept of marriage?" I asked, and wondered if I had anything to do with it.

"Bella, I love you totally and completely. I don't need to walk down an aisle to feel that."

I wanted to cry and pound on his chest. I needed the aisle. I needed the entire thing, the ring, the dress, the little bride and groom on the six layered cake. It was my validation and I needed it desperately.

"What about kids?" I asked.

"Is that seven?"

"Stop it," I yelled because it was no longer cute or funny. "Do you want kids or not?"

"I don't know, I'm still a kid myself," he yelled back, raising his voice to me for the first time.

I got out of the tub and dried off quickly with a towel. He jumped out after me and tried to calm me down. "Bella, don't do this. It's your birthday, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" I gasped. "I told you I didn't have time to waste on an emotionally unavailable guy. I want a marriage and a family and my time is running out."

"That is bullshit and you know it," he screamed, and damn he was turning downright manly. "You are only thirty years old."

"Yes, thirty!" I cried out, "For a woman it is old. You can date girls in their twenties with viable eggs clear into your sixties."

He stared at me as he shook his head. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he was thinking so I didn't ask. He finally said emphatically. "I'm not the only one messed up here. Why are you so sure your life is over at thirty?"

Wha….huh….I mean….damn it all to hell. I wasn't messed up! I was a product of my society, just like he….oh, I see. My mother married at nineteen and constantly complained about not going to college. I didn't want to make that mistake. Then she began complaining about not having a grandchild so I felt like a failure for not producing one. Alice was two years younger and having a baby so I felt even more pressure.

I walked over to the bed and sat down. Edward came over to kneel in front of me. "Bella, you don't want me like this. I would ruin your life. We need time."

I wasn't trying to hurt him, or add any stress to the situation. I was speaking openly and honestly when I looked into his loving eyes and said, "Jake's ready now."


	7. Chapter 19 thru 21

19

Edward and I didn't know each other well. I knew he had a messed up childhood and he knew I had an obsession with my age and a need to marry for a feeling of self worth. Aside from that we were pretty much a blank slate to each other.

I saw another side of his personality I hadn't seen before. He took a few steps away from me, still wrapped lusciously in a towel and then exploded. "I knew it," he screamed. "I knew this would happen. You get me to fall for you and then toss me aside."

"Toss you aside?" I asked in exasperation. "I'm the one who wants to marry, remember?"

"You don't want to get married, you just want a wedding," he accused and it really burned my socks off.

"Fuck you," I screamed.

"You already did," he screamed back.

Oh man, it was on buddy. He bought the box full of condoms, not me. Of course I had to put it on him, but it was just because he was such a pussy. I grabbed my clothes and began tossing them into my suitcase and dressing quickly.

"You can't leave," he said angrily.

"Yes, I can, I can drive," I said to aim low.

"I love you," he said with a strained voice.

Yeah, well, not enough. I refused to answer and kept packing. He came over and grabbed my arm, holding tightly as I tried to fight my way out of his grasp.

"Bella, it is your birthday, don't do this," he begged.

I collapsed on the floor in tears. This wasn't what I wanted either, but it was our reality. Edward had a lot of work to do. I knew that and I also knew I had no idea what he was really like. I just knew he was sweet and romantic. I was making him into what I wanted just to be married soon.

The same went for Jake. I didn't love him, he fit the criteria and I molded him in my mind for the rest. Something was seriously wrong with me.

He knelt down in front of me and said very sweetly, "Don't you love me?"

I sobbed as I nodded my head up and down. I did love him, very much, and I did realize we couldn't marry anytime soon. He had his dreams to chase and I needed to reevaluate my own goals. I needed to become happy with Bella Swan before I could be happy as Bella Cullen, or Black, or any other name I may end up carrying around.

I put my arms around his neck and he pulled me to him. I don't know how he suddenly became more mature than me, but it really pissed me off, especially since he was still in his twenties. "I'm sorry," I said into his ear.

"No, don't apologize," he said because he was suddenly all manlike.

He wiped my tears with his thumbs and kissed my lips gently. "Let's order room service," he suggested and I nodded, planning to order the most expensive things I could. I was getting something out of this, damn it.

I changed into a nightgown and put my stuff away while Edward shaved. When our food arrived we got into bed and sat facing each other as we ate. The lobster was only so so, but it was expensive. He got the last of the covered dishes and pulled it off to reveal a small birthday cake….just great.

He lit the candle and told me to make a wish. Did he really need to add that part, I mean come on; he knew what I would wish for!

I closed my eyes and thought silently, _I wish we would both want the same things. _That wasn't too hopeful, right? I blew out the candle and he cut us both a piece before reaching for his coat and pulling out a small box….ring size.

This was actually quite cruel after the conversation we just had. He held it out to me and said, "Bella, I'm doing everything I can to reach my dreams and fix my life. I'm doing it for you. I hope you know that."

I smiled and took the box from his hands. I opened it and saw a gorgeous sapphire ring surrounded in diamonds. Real funny, jackass.

He took it from the box and held up my right hand, *sighs sadly*. "Bella, a sapphire means courage, strength, and comfort. It stands for consistency in love. I want you to have this because you are my sapphire."

"It's beautiful," I admitted and held my hand out to look at it sparkling on my finger.

"I love you," he said as he looked into my eyes.

"Yeah, I love you too," I said begrudgingly, and he laughed.

It was time for the box again, and not the ring box. Maybe he would graduate from college early because he was sure a quick learner.

The next day I went with him to where he worked. We entered a large studio and he entered a booth full of equipment. I sat next to him as he pushed various knobs and buttons. It was about as exciting as my faxes.

Someone walked into the area on the other side of a glass wall and I glanced over and then gasped loudly. "Is that Tim Wray?"

"Yeah, you know him?" Edward asked in surprise.

"I love him, is he singing First Rodeo?" I asked in hope.

"No, Velvet Ditch," he replied and I screamed in excitement. I suddenly remembered something and asked, "This isn't who you said had a bad voice, is it?"

"No," he replied and I relaxed.

The day got so much more exciting and I loved watching the way an artist worked. Edward didn't talk much, but he really didn't have to. I got an autograph and a picture and planned on photo shopping Edward out of it. I loved my guy, but this was TIM WRAY!

We went to the Art Institute after working and spent hours looking at the abstract art. I was beginning to get a feel for the stuff. We returned to the hotel and used the box again for the last time. I was flying home Monday afternoon and we would spend tomorrow with his parents. I dreaded the idea.

Edward had made a lot of progress. He was talking and doing great things when not talking. I wasn't sure if mommy and daddy made any progress at all. What if she brought a priest with her to offer Edward absolution and damn me to eternal hell? It was still worth it.

We had arranged to meet at a restaurant for breakfast. I was shaking when we walked in and saw Esme sitting with her blouse buttoned up to her chin and Carlisle smiling at a young waitress. We took our seats and I held firmly to Edward's hand.

"I've made us an appointment for a session," Esme said with a tight jaw.

"Perfect," Edward replied.

Tick, tick, tick, wink from Carlisle, gag from me, chirp, chirp, chirp.

"I think it is very brave of you to go into counseling," I offered and Esme looked at me with distain. "I'm going to give it a try, also," I admitted.

Edward looked at me with surprise.

"I'm old, remember?" I mumbled and he laughed and kissed my cheek, right in front of his sexually repressed mamma.

I glanced at Carlisle and decided to go after him and make him feel a bit uncomfortable for once. "So Carlisle, what do you feel you need to change?"

He stumbled over his words and began to turn a little pale, so I helped him come up with a thing or two. "Maybe older house staff? Less internet time?"

"I'm sure there are a plethora of behaviors I could address," he finally admitted.

Esme lowered her head and smiled to herself. Maybe there was help for them after all.

"Edward wants to get his education," I announced and they both looked at him with pride. God, who would be proud of an almost twenty-nine year old getting his high school diploma? And then to top it off, this almost twenty-nine year old who couldn't drive and didn't have his GED didn't want to marry me. Life sucks.

Breakfast wasn't too awful but I was happy when it was time to say goodbye. We didn't talk about seeing each other again, because at the moment they had no desire to see me and I had no desire to see them.

Edward and I went to the aquarium and tried to postpone our heartache by looking at colorful fish. We stared at all the varieties as we clung to each other. The place was full of school children and I wanted one so badly. But, Edward only noticed the fish.

It was finally time to go to the airport. We sat in the back of the limo and tried to talk about the future visits. Edward had a bunch of places I just had to see and I told him of things to do in Seattle. When the airport came into view I began to cry.

It wasn't just over the thought of leaving him; it was a feeling of finality to what could have been. I had changed him, but not in the way I had intended. I put on a brave face and kissed him aggressively. He responded move for move and it was evidence of just how much growth he had made.

I got out of the car and reached for my bag but Edward insisted on taking it inside for me. I checked my bag and then turned to say our final goodbye.

"Thank you for the ring and the box of," I glanced around to see if anyone could hear, "Condoms."

"Thank you for allowing me to love you," he said and my heart hurt.

We stood awkwardly and didn't know what to say so I finally kissed his mouth and pulled away. He watched me leave, because my butt really was quite special. And that was that.

I arrived home to find a box by my door. I thought Edward arranged another surprise but the note on top was from Jake. I opened the box to find it full of chocolates, at the moment it was better than condoms and I ate a bunch out of depression.

I had promised Jake a date for the weekend, a serious date, the kind that usually ends with nudity. So I had two things I had to do, tell Jake about Edward, and set up a counseling session. I wasn't sure which one I dreaded the most.

I called Jake and arranged to meet him at a corner pub. I ordered a strong drink for courage and because I ached for Edward. He walked in with a big smile and came to sit across from me. "You look beautiful," he said and I gave a half hearted smile.

"I flew in from Chicago this afternoon. I was there with a guy," I admitted.

"Oh," he said softly.

"I turned thirty on Saturday and…"

"Happy Birthday," he said and tapped his glass to mine.

"Thanks. I'm a bit freaked out about it," I confessed.

"I remember when I turned thirty," he chuckled. "All my accomplishments suddenly turned into failures because I wasn't married."

"Yes," I gasped. "Do men feel that too?"

"Not as much as women. We get more grief for dating women in their twenties after turning thirty."

"Really, because there are a lot of men in their forties dating girls in the twenties."

He laughed and nodded. "It becomes acceptable again when we turn forty."

God, I hate men.

"Well, the guy I'm seeing is not at the same point in life I'm at. It is frustrating and complicated," I said sadly.

"Bella, I'm going to be straight with you since you are being straight with me. I'm thirty-four. I'm done playing around and I want to settle down. I want a wife, and kids, and a dog."

Yuk, I hate dogs.

"I think you want the same things I do. I want the chance to get to know you better. Is it something you would consider?"

It was all right here in front of me, a man who was looking for the same things I wanted. I could see the dress, and hear the music. I could forget about condoms and buy pregnancy tests. Jake was kind and handsome and came from a great family, how could I turn that down?

I finally gave him a quick nod, "Yeah, I'll consider it."

20

"And I told Jake I would consider him. Am I totally insane?" I asked the therapist who sat before me.

I felt crazy at times, but I never actually considered I was crazy until I met Edward. His virginity made me insane, I just know it.

The woman bit on her pen for a few moments and then said, "Edward is chronologically twenty-eight, but emotionally he is a teenager. Most teenage boys don't consider marriage an option. He may change his mind as he catches up to his real age. Are you willing to wait?"

"I have a man who wants me now, what if I wait for Edward and he never wants marriage and a family?" I asked in fear.

"Then your choice is simple," she said with a shrug.

No it isn't, it is still confusing and complicated. I love him, I love an emotional kid. What if I marry Jake and never stop loving Edward? "I'm terrified," I admitted.

"Of what?" she asked.

I tried to identify my fear and finally said, "Of being alone. All my friends have partners and I'm an outsider."

"Bella, there is nothing more lonely than being with a man you don't love. If it is simply company you want, buy a dog."

"I hate dogs," I said adamantly.

"Are you afraid of them?" she asked, because she was sensing a need for a lot more visits.

"No, they shit in the yard, they're gross."

"Okay, a bird," she laughed.

"The fact my eggs are aging is something I have to admit," I told her.

"Okay, if you are worried about it, freeze some eggs," she instructed.

"Will my kids be normal if they come from thawed old eggs?"

She laughed and refused to promise anything. "As normal as children from you and Edward could be."

Touché, she got me with that one.

"Bella, women have babies into their early forties. Yes, it becomes more difficult but science has made wonderful strides."

"Okay, so let's say Edward is emotionally sixteen. How long will it take to bring him up to speed?" I asked.

"It depends on him. While he works on his goals, what are some you want to work on?"

I thought about my life and tried to find the short comings I could do something about. I could save for breast enhancement surgery, I could get a better job, and I could learn to play an instrument. I turned my attention back to my therapist and said, "My job bites. I get faxed all day long. The pay is good, but man it's boring."

"What would you like to do, what would be your dream job?" she asked.

I laughed and said, "I want to be a professional friend. I would rock at being someone's friend if they paid me."

"That is called prostitution dear," she said and we both laughed loudly.

I finally said, "I want to be a teacher, a kindergarten teacher. I know the pay is awful, but I think I would love it." I also knew the boob job would never happen with less pay.

"Okay, why don't you look into taking some night classes to get your certification? It would be easy since you already have a degree."

"What should I do about Jake?" I asked.

"That my dear is up to you, but I want you to think about something. There is a woman out there who will feel the same way about Jake that you feel about Edward. Is it fair to make him settle for less?"

That was the clarity I needed. It wasn't about me; it was about Jake finding the right woman for him. He was my safety net and that wasn't fair to him. I gave the woman a hug, knowing it didn't come anywhere close to what she deserved, but she was billing my insurance for that.

I invited Jake over for dinner and planned on ending everything with him. I fixed Mexican food so I wouldn't be tempted to make out with him. Onions were a great chastity belt.

He showed up looking really cute and wearing some great cologne. I looked at the tacos and felt a bit of relief when I saw the onions cooked into the meat. We ate the food and I overdosed on the salsa. It was time for the DTR and I poured some extra margarita into both of our glasses.

"Jake, I saw a therapist and she pointed out a few things to me," I began.

"What did she point out," he said amusingly.

This wasn't funny; this was a deeply psychological issue I needed to deal with. My future happiness depended on her advice and at the moment his did too.

"I like that you are at the same place I am in life and I think you are a really great guy, but the fact remains I am in love with Edward and I can't just forget about him. This isn't a game and my heart wants him."

"So are you going to wait for him to be ready for something permanent?" he asked.

"No, I'm going on with my life. I'm going back to school to be a teacher and concentrate on myself for now." Wow, it sounded so mature, and not in a grandmother kind of mature, but in a having my shit together kind of mature.

I smiled and placed my hand on Jake's. "There is a great girl waiting for you to find her. I would hate to ruin the love she has for you. You deserve her, not me."

"Bella, you are really sweet and I hope the best for you. I hope Edward pulls his head out really soon. He's a lucky man."

Jake took it really well, because he was such a nice man and he had his own clock ticking.

My counseling was simple compared to Edward's. He would attend a family session with one counselor and a private session with another. Then for a few days he would sink into depression. I was told it was normal and I needed to be patient. Things got easier for me when my classes started.

I walked into the night class and wore a short skirt with a funky sweater as I tried to look like a college coed. I was stunned to see old people, like older than me. I was actually one of the youngest in the class, it was freaking awesome!

Edward took a six week GED course and passed on the first try. Esme was a pretty good teacher as it turns out. He attended a junior college and tested out of some art courses and Portuguese language courses. We hadn't seen each other since school got in the way and we were both super busy. Our phone calls soon got further apart and our emails became updates about school.

I took classes throughout the spring and summer and was eligible to do my student teaching in the fall. I could only work part time and hated the idea of getting a roommate but funds demanded it. I also babysat Alice's daughter, Amy, for money. I had become a teenager myself.

I walked in to my first grade class to see the smiling faces of the adorable children and completely forgot about my thirty-first birthday. A little girl rushed forward and handed me a picture she colored. It wasn't purposefully abstract, but it turned out that way.

"It is for your birthday, Miss Swan," she said.

"Oh thank you, Taryn. I love it." At least my nipple wasn't represented.

We began working on the alphabet and the day rushed by. I gave each child a hug as they left the room and felt a warm feeling in my heart. I watched as they ran to their various busses and when the large yellow monsters pulled away I saw a man with balloons and roses standing across the street.

I rushed out the door and saw Edward smile and walk toward me. I knew he was missing class and I also felt guilty for only calling on his birthday, but I was ecstatic that he came. I ran into his arms and smothered him with kisses.

"What are you doing here?" I asked through my tears.

"I came to celebrate the loss of my virginity with you," he teased, I think he was teasing. But any normal guy would pretty much travel for the certainty of getting laid. Ah, Edward was turning into a normal guy.

"You're missing school," I told him and watched for his reaction.

"I'm getting all A's, I can miss a day or two," he smiled.

I'm so proud of my old man who is competing with college kids. I just hope he was smart enough to bring his magic box with him. I grabbed my coat and we headed home to my apartment. My roommate was there so we changed and went out for dinner. Edward was talkative and excited about the changes in his life.

"How are things with your parents?" I asked.

"They are doing really well," he said. "My mother was really messed up and my dad took her to the island to make her feel safe. He did his best with the limited knowledge he had. She's really learning to trust him and lean on him."

"Trust?" I asked, because that would be huge to trust that perv.

"It is easier for my father now my mom isn't so…."

"Prudish," I offered.

"Yeah, they really seem to be falling in love all over again," he said proudly.

"I'm happy for all of you," I said and held up my glass.

"I have something to tell you," he said and I could tell by his smile he had been waiting for this moment.

"Go ahead," I smiled in return.

"I've gotten my own house."

"House, really?" Man, I was downsizing while he was moving up in the world.

He pulled out some pictures from his pocket and showed me a brownstone with three bedrooms and a finished basement. "God, that's a lot of room, do you have roommates?"

"Not yet," he said and I nodded.

"Tell me about your class," he prompted and I went off for almost an hour about the kids. I told him about the bratty boys and the prissy girls. I told him about how they always tell me I'm beautiful and mistakenly call me mom sometimes. I loved teaching and in two and a half months I would be official.

"I'm really proud of you Bella," he said with wet eyes. "You light up when you talk about them."

"I can't believe I processed claims for so long, what was I thinking?" I said and shook my head.

At that moment I looked over and saw Jake walk in with a pretty woman on his arm. The hostess walked them right past our table and I raised my hand to wave oddly. Jake stopped and smiled at both me and Edward.

"Hello," he said. "Bella, Edward, this is my wife Leah."

I reached out and shook her hand, noticing she was pregnant. Damn you Edward Cullen. We chatted for a moment and they both wished me a happy birthday before going to their table. I looked across the table at my stunted man and smiled. I still loved him, even if he was still a little bent.

He smiled widely at me before giving me some more good news. "I sold a CD cover," he said and I screamed and jumped out of my chair to congratulate him. I couldn't believe he didn't lead with that. Was it really only a year ago when I met an awkward, silent man, who thought God was watching to ruin him? He now sat confidently telling me of all his successes. Surely he was emotionally in his twenties by now.

We decided to take dessert home and went right to my bedroom. I reached down to remove my shirt and he reached out to stop me. Crap, he was back to his God complex. "I assumed you would be staying here tonight," I said softly.

He smiled and nodded, "I want to talk first."

Great, the first time he came here he wouldn't speak, now he won't shut up. I sighed loudly and sat on the edge of my bed. He stood in front of me and said, "Bella, I've worked really hard in my therapy and I was wrong when I said marriage wasn't necessary."

Okay, good words, keep talking.

"I couldn't imagine being responsible for another person," he continued.

Yeah, my therapist was right; he grew up and now saw things differently. I was afraid to hope and found myself holding my breath. He paced the room for a bit and finally turned to look at me and got down onto one knee.

21

Holy Matrimony, Batman! Was he really going to propose or was he simply tying his shoe? We hadn't talked about anything personal for several months and he was kneeling in front of me. On my last birthday he gave me sex, this time he was proposing, how was he going to top this next year?

Edward smiled and didn't look away or hesitate. He cleared his throat and said clearly. "Bella, you are my only love. Will you marry me and spend the rest of your life by my side?"

Hum…only by his side? I planned on being by the side of him, on top of him, and underneath him. I didn't care he was a college sophomore; I'd live in a dorm with him if I had to.

I looked at the diamond he was holding in his hand and I felt my entire body spring to life. I played the dating game for at least fifteen years and finally reached the prize. I moved my game piece to the final square and said, "Yes, Edward, I will marry you."

He held out his hand for my left hand, my LEFT HAND! I watched with tears as he placed the diamond ring on my finger and then kissed it gently. It felt glorious, and heavy. Yeah, I had a heavy rock on my left hand and it was amazing. Edward pulled me to my feet and kissed me like a collage man, deep and dirty.

He pulled on my shirt and I raised my hands for him to remove it. He quickly obliged and I pulled on his shirt. I received the rock, but not the box, so I wasn't sure if he came prepared or not. I removed his shirt and then began feeling around in his jeans pocket.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Do you have any condoms?"

"Oh yeah, that's another thing I want to talk about," he said and moved away from me.

Wait, was he seriously putting on the brakes. Come on, I have a rock to earn! I looked at him with my mouth hanging open and he said, "I'm not sure we should use condoms anymore. I mean, I'll be thirty soon."

Where's a bat? I need something heavy that I can swing with a lot of force. Did he seriously want a child because he was turning thirty? I'm going to kill him.

"Wait, wait, wait," I exclaimed. "You expect me to walk down the aisle pregnant? Are you crazy?"

He chuckled and nodded his head. "I'm crazy for you, Love."

Okay, knock me up, my mother doesn't mind so why should I? I quickly disposed of the rest of my clothing and jumped into my bed. He followed closely behind and we went at it like vultures on a carcass. He did something new this time. He talked through sex. He only used singled word sentences, but this was a big change for my stunted man. He also regained the religion he lost and called on God many times.

After we got the most important matter out of the way we concentrated on the smaller details. We decided on a Christmas wedding. I would finish my teaching degree here in Washington and then we would marry over break and honeymoon on his island. I planned on staying far from any offered Kool-Aid.

The first people we told were Emmett and Rose. We showed up uninvited at Emmett's house. "Edward, I didn't know you were in town," he said with shock.

"I surprised Bella for her birthday," Edward replied with a smile.

"Yeah, look at my gift," I announced and held up my hand. Rose screamed along with me and then gave Emmett a long glare.

"You said we had to go slow," he said in his own defense.

"Not like a turtle," she complained and poor Emmett rubbed his face with frustration.

I didn't have to worry about games like that anymore. I was a freaking engaged woman. Next we drove to Forks to tell my folks that spinster Bella was a thing of the past. My parents stared silently. I knew they had little to no faith in Edward, so I gave them a bone.

"We want to have a baby right away," I announced. It sounded better than saying we were having sex without any protection, which just sounded like we humped while drunk.

"You don't have much time to plan a wedding," mom pointed out. Was she freaking kidding? I have been planning for years, heck I even had the dress picked out.

I broke into my details as my father and Edward sat in silence. This was something every girl would understand and every boy wouldn't. Edward just had to show up, and he had no idea how vital that one duty was.

He stayed for two more days, but he was basically just in the way. I had a wedding to plan and I couldn't just play with him. I think he boarded the plane back to Chicago with relief, he didn't find tulle shopping as fun as I did.

I chose the fairytale. I rented a horse drawn carriage, I had glass slippers at every table, my cake topper was a castle, and my groom was a prince. I walked down the aisle in my huge princess gown that felt like I was pulling a cart behind me. But my small boobs looked great.

I reached Edward and saw his eyes were full of tears, God, I hope it is because I look amazing and not because his one duty was too hard.

We wrote our own vows, because my bent guy wasn't too psyched about the men of the cloth right now. He pulled out a small card and I felt my fingers go numb. He had a four by five card and I had two full pages. Crap, I need to condense and quickly.

He stared at his tiny card and then suddenly tore it in half. Oh my God, he was going to bail. He looked into my terrified eyes and said, "Bella, there are no words to tell you how much I love you. It all resides in here," he said and touched his heart. "It is a feeling that is indescribable. You saved me, you brought me to life, you taught me to love, thank you for turning around."

Well, now I'm not even pulling out my two paged diatribe. I knew a way to top this. I reached into my small pearl bag hanging from my wrist and pulled out something to hand to Edward. He looked at it for a couple of moments to figure out what it was and then looked back at me. "Are you serious?" he asked and a smile formed.

"Yep, but don't tell anyone," I whispered.

He threw his arms around me and would have twirled me around, but the freaking dress weighted eighty pounds and Edward's size was somewhere other than his upper body.

Yeah, I was a pregnant bride dressed in white, but who cares? Well, maybe Esme would care but she was looking pretty hot herself with a dress that dipped to her waist in the front. Damn she had great boobs.

We ate and danced and partied into the wee hours of the morning, having just enough time to change and grab our suitcases to head to paradise, or prison, either way we were going together. My Gilligan fantasy was shot all to hell when I saw the palatial island home. He lied, this wasn't prison!

We brought our bags in from the boat and the first thing that greeted us was a huge statue of Christ rebuking Satan. Not really honeymoon art. I got a blanket off a spare bed and covered the marble, I'd ask for forgiveness later.

The first night we did it in the bed, the next morning we did it in the kitchen, that afternoon we did it on the sand, and finally that night we did it in the shower. I could easily live here forever. Everything was just perfect until I fell asleep on the beach naked and burned my prefect butt.

It hurt to lie on my back and it hurt to sit. I was totally screwed and unable to totally screw. Edward didn't mind rubbing lotion on it constantly. He actually enjoyed it. It was during one of my rub down sessions he brought up our baby.

"Bella, do you want a girl or a boy?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered because I wasn't stopping at just one.

"Do you have a name you like?"

Was he just plain stupid? Of course I had a name; I had names for all nine children I planned on having, plus their middle names.

"Seattle Skye for a girl," I announced, "And Chicago Dash for a boy."

Edward rolled onto his back in laughter and I looked over to give him a very indignant look for laughing at our babies. He must have gotten a peek at his testicles because he suddenly took a firm hold and crushed my plans. "No way in hell we are naming our son a name that would be shortened to Chi, and a girl name that sounds like a saddle."

"What do you suggest, smartass?"

He spoke right up so I knew he must have been giving it a lot of thought. "I like Elizabeth, after my grandmother."

I said the name over and over again and finally nodded. I liked it.

"Do you want to use Charles, after your father?" he asked.

There was no way my son was going to be called Chuck Cullen, it sounded like a stomach ailment. I came up with a better solution. "My grandfather was named Jack, I like that."

He smiled and leaned over to kiss me. "We make a great team," he said and I melted, if only my stupidass ass wasn't so burned!

After our honeymoon I made the move to Chicago. I didn't have to work because Edward's money turned out to be A LOT of money. But I did substitute at a grade school around the corner from our house. Edward went to school, like a good boy, and I grew larger and larger. I didn't mind, because my boobs were looking pretty dang nice.

He let me decorate the house and I made sure there wasn't a devil anywhere in the décor. I bought things that looked homey and lived in, not stuffy things his parents had, although, Esme was softening quickly and my growing body held no interest for Carlisle anymore. He rarely leered at anyone.

It was on Edward's thirtieth birthday that I stood in the middle of our back yard, surrounded by my parents and his, when my water broke. I had his cake in my hands and I dropped it instantly, smashing it onto the ground.

We headed to the hospital and my mother never told me women in our family deliver quickly. Three hours later I was holding Jack Edward. It was so much better than the new belt I got Edward for his birthday. And I was glad my thirty year old husband was out of school for the summer.

"He looks just like you," I said as I stared at my son's beautiful face.

"How did I get so lucky?" Edward asked through his tears.

When you really think about it, he did luck out. I mean, how many women would date a guy who couldn't even hold a conversation and thought sex was evil? But I was the really the lucky one. I was desperate and gave him a chance. If I had a full social calendar, or wasn't a bit bent myself, I would not have even considered him.

The dating game was like a roulette wheel, it was all a game of chance.

"Happy Birthday, daddy," I said with love.

Edward leaned over and kissed my head. "You gave me a son for my birthday, how can I compete with that?" he laughed.

I saw his point, I mean sex was good, a ring was better, but what can top a child? I looked down at my son as he nursed happily at my now semi normal chest and glanced up at Edward with a big smile. He had money so saving for an enhancement wouldn't be necessary.

I knew exactly what I wanted for my next birthday.

The End.


End file.
